Overhaulin'

To any ladies who own a classic car.....? Please make sure your nipples are well greased.....good advice.....trust me !!

ladies what is sexier a man who drives a classic muscle car or a newer sports car?

For the ladies, do you care if your boyfriend's car is expensive or classic? Explain.? Alright, without the lovey-dovey, I need honest opinion of what you would like to be riding in with your love.

song for TV advertisement for magnum classic where the lady jumped through cars during heavy traffic? Do you know the song for TV advertisement for magnum classic, where the lady jumped through cars during heavy traffic to get herself a magnum ice cream from a magnum's truck? Then everyone was doing the same thing she did. You know the song?

Why do some people rather just fix up their old car than get a better new car even when they can afford one? I know this lady that has had this Oldsmobile since like the late 80s. I think with all the money she has spent on repairs in the last 10 years old so she could have bought herself a nicer car that wasn't so old! I mean I could understand if it were like a classic car that doesn't go out of style like a Corvette or Mustang or something, but an 89, 90 Oldsmobile and Buick?! Why do people do that?

Ladies: Would a VW classic bug turn you off? So if a date comes to pick you up in a classic VW bug, would you be turned off? Granted I'm not talking about an old, beat up, rusted piece of junk, but a taken care-of bug? (Nice paint job, clean interior) VW bugs scream a lot of personality for the driver, but would it be the "wrong" personality in a car, for women?

LADIES : Do you like classic hotrod cars fully restored with LOUD engines ? http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fei%3DUTF-8%26p%3D1967%2BGTO%26fr%3Dybr_sbc%26b%3D21%26ni%3D20&w=216&h=162&imgurl=www.guildclassiccars.com%2Fimages%2F1967GTO_920Sw.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.guildclassiccars.com%2F1967_gto_611.html&size=7.2kB&name=1967GTO_920Sw.jpg&p=1967+GTO&type=jpeg&no=40&tt=12,018&oid=a27fe6d14ef127f6&ei=UTF-8 This is the closest pic I could find to my GTO . It orange too , but I got big wheels on the back and air shocks to lift up the back end !!!

what car will help me get laid for under 5k? I'm thinking the Nissan 300zx, or maybe a classic bug. help? please help me! I really want to impress gurlz and get laid. Ladies help. so your telling me you wouldnt do a chick with a lambo? I just want a car that looks sexy come on!

LADIES PLEASE ANSWER!! What would you think about a guy that gets away with puttting his Girlfriend or Wife on? the FAR BACK BURNER, while he restores his classic car & hangs out with his friends.

How do I locate the owner of classic car made before 1980 by using the VIN number? There is a car that I know of that is for sale. It is a 1969 AMC Rambler rebel. The only problem is that its on my machanics lot and the lady that owned it had work done there then never came back and picked it up. That was like 6 months ago and now he doesnt have the paper work with her name and number anymore and the only thing I have to work with on tiring to find the lady is the VIN in the engine compartment. So please if you have any info on how to find her then let me know. Also I live in missouri so solutions for missouri would be most helpful. Thanks it has no liscense plates Thanks guys. I found the owner now. I just had to look everywhere in this town. It is a very rare 69 amc rebel sst. I appriciate your comments. Thanks

Does anyone know the best way to check a classic car VIN to see if it was stolen? I am looking at buying a car that was found in a barn and has no title. The seller can only provide a bill of sale as it was given to him by an old lady in trade for some work. She doesnt have the title either and it appears that it was last registered in the mid 80's. I would like to verify that it isnt stolen before I buy it but most of the online verification services like CarFax require at least 17 characters. The car is a 1973 and only has 12 numbers. Does anyone know how best to find this out? Thanks in advance to anyone with answers.

Obama's 2005 Chrysler 300 gas pig is up for sale on eBay. Isn't that a little old Black church lady car? http://www.caranddriver.com/reviews/hot_lists/high_performance/features_classic_cars/what_would_barack_obama_drive_feature__1+page-5.html

Which is sexier for a guy to drive, a nice lifted truck, or a classic 60's muscle car? Ladies 18-27 only please

car choice? i am going into my first year of college in the fall i am 16 years old and i need a car. i have 12k saved up from work and the sale and resale of some classic cars i bought cheap and ripped some people off with. but anyway. i want something that i will be proud to drive but i dont know if i want a sporty car which i would really like like a wrx or s2k. or if i should just go for a cheap gas saver like a carolla or somthing. by the way i dont have the best luck with the ladies.

Ladies please Answer!!? Do you find it offensive when a sexy woman passes your mans nice ride (wheather it be a lowrider, classic car, or some of you people like those monster trucks) and they stare your man and his ride down with a brief smile? Some Random! Your such a B!tch!

A question for the ladies....? I'm just curious about the preferences of particular women and have a few random questions. Which would you prefer in a guy: Tall and Skinny or Short and Buff? Grunge Style clothes or nice clothes? Baby face or rugged looking? Long hair or Short hair? Classic Car or new luxury car? Intelligent or Funny? Sports or video games? I am happily married and not looking for anyone, I just am curious about peoples preferences... Thanks, James

I cannot think of a thing to get my b/f for the holidays. Any suggestions? I am just one of those persons that is clueless when it comes to buying gifts. My B/F is really into cars, racing etc. But i do not want to get him anything that he will not use or like. Clothes, cologne, etc are out of the question because when all else fails that is we he gets from me. I thought of a gift certificate (decided against that because i felt it was too impersonal) or getting one of his classic cars painted. I am especially asking guys who are into cars ( or ladies that have b/f's that are) if they can give me some suggestions.

POLL: Guy offers to hook up your car's wicked stereo system.....? Does he : A) want money B) want to impress you for sex C) want bragging rights to working on the coolest car in town (A classic white hearse known as Lady Death)

Does anyone know the best site to sell a classic 1970 4-door Chevy Nova? I'm considering selling my newly purchased 1970 4-door Chevy Nova. It's in absolutely great condition (little old lady--original owner--garaged 37 years!) and I'm just not sure of the best place to post a car. Any experienced car sellers (or buyers) out there want to offer some advice?

You're opinion on Classic Minis? Just bought myself a classic mini as my first car and was wandering what people's views of them are. Apparently meant to be favourite of the ladies ;) Cheers!

do you prefer the old hand-drawn classic Disney movies, or the new 3D comedy-based ones? Classic Disney movies: The Little Mermaid, Mulan, Pocahontas, Lion King, Cinderella, Snow White, Dumbo, Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, 101 Dalmations, Bambi, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Hercules, Tarzan, even Brother Bear, etc etc. New Disney movies: Bolt, Cars, Finding Nemo, A Bug's Life, The Incredibles, Monsters Inc, Ratatouille, Toy Story, Wall-E, Meet The Robinsons, etc etc. Which do you prefer?

Classic Rock i hate it do you? My husband and I can’t seem to compromise when it comes to listening to the radio in the car. I enjoy Country, Alternative Rock, and Latin music. He on the other hand only wants to listen to his old ass classic rock! My question is to you ladies and gentlemen have the same problem tell me your story when it comes to the radio wars.

What do girls think of a 26 year old (male) driving a black Camaro convertible 95 model? Some of my female friends say girls laugh at guys driving a Camaro unless they are classic cars or new. Any truth to that? What do you ladies think?

How do I trace my mother's 1971 Mach 1 Mustang without the VIN #? My mother bought her mustang new in 1971. I believe it was actually titled in my grandfather's name. I would love to find out what happened to it...even if it was scrapped. My husband rebuilds classic cars and is a custom painter. If we could actually find it I would be thrilled. Don't know how to go about finding it though without the VIN. I tried the lady at the local title bureau but she says her records don't go back that far. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

girls what cars do you like ? for a guy to have? I personally like classic/muscle cars as a favorite and I believe some ladies like the one I have is 1. unique (how often do you see a 1963 impala in Canada?) 2. Convertible? they seem to like no roof (I like it) 3. they see how great shape and shiny Ive kept it in something so old still looks so beautiful so they may think I can keep them looking good too?. 4. Simple I mean no extra gizmos and what not they see my deck and the system in the back all simple. idk where im going with this but am I right? what cars do you like ladies? im 17 btw and yes I rebuilt this car ground up. and I know your going out with the guy not the car but still you still must like some cars over others which ones?

I'm obsessed with the Classic Pony !!!!!!!!? What is it with Classic Mustangs especially (1967 - 1973) or so that is leathal ???? I swear to God whenever I see a Mustang from that era , it's like seeing a beautiful killer lady .......... Comment please (what do you think and do you have a special classic girlfriend of cars ?????????)

Ladies would you date a guy like this? Ladies would you date a guy like this? -Physical appearance is 6'5'' and 200 pounds. Has facial hair.and above average, but not amazing looks. -Laid back personality, very intelligent and introspective but does not push things on people. Sometimes isn't too assertive. He is spiritual but belongs to no religion. -Isn't into materialistic things, so has no desire for a big house or a fancy car. -Hobbies and things in free time include drawing, playing guitar, drinking and partying with friends, hiking and spelunking (cave exploring), and playing soccer. -Favorite music includes classic rock, classical, some heavy metal, and blues. (Grateful Dead, Pink Floyd, Ottis Redding, Led Zeppelin, Iron Maiden, Beatles, the Doors, the Who, Bob Dylan, B.B. King, and Jimi Hendrix are favorite artists.) -Majoring in geology and minoring in physics and philosophy in university. Wants to be a geologist.

Ladies Only: I am looking for a companion to spend time with. Someone that we can start out as friends but? that it will eventually lead to a relationship which is what I am seeking. I am friendly, loyal, courteous, well educated and enjoy the simple things in life. The reality is that I want to be able to share my life with someone. I'm not talking about running and get married...no that is not it all. I've been there and done that as they say and I'm really not interested in walking down the aisle again...but one can never say never, who knows? but what I am looking for is a woman that I can be a great friend to and be romantically involved at the same time. Why is finding the right person so difficult? there are so many variables that one must go through, so many obstacles along the way. I am not looking for the perfect woman because I am well aware that perfection in humans is nonexistent but just someone that I can have fun with and have a great time and also become a part of her life and she will do the same. I love a woman that can stimulate me physically as well as intellectually. You don't have be a beautiful specimen or have a Ph.D in Behavioral Science but a regular-looking girl with a brain that can carry a conversation. I tend to be shy and withdrawn at first but once we get going on a given subject, I'm a very good conversalionist in all modesty. I have a Master's degree in English literature so naturally any conversation about books, writers, poets, I am going to be fascinated with. I love music: classic rock from the 60s and 70s and I also like jazz, soul, blues and classical. I like going to the movies, the theater, dinner or just taking a walk along the beach and watching the sun go down. I LOVE sunsets, I can spend a long time watching how the beautiful colors intertwine with the clouds, it makes for a spectacular and most precious celestial sight. I am romantic...yes I am. I still believe in romance and sweeping a girl off her feet with a love poem, candies, and flowers. I guess I'm kind of old-fashioned in that sense. I just want to love somebody and have them reciprocate all of that love in return. I'm really a simple guy overall. I'm not materialistic or selfish and like to share whatever I have with that special someone. I hope I can meet somebody on here. I know that this is not a dating site...believe me I've tried a few of those and so far all of my attempts at finding someone have failed. Most women that I've encountered in the last few years and the ones I've dated seem to want the same thing: MONEY and POWER. I'm sorry but I'm not wealthy and I don't have any power. They all seem to be interested in how much money I make, or what kind of car I drive or whether I own or rent my house and if I own a business. If you're that kind of woman --than with all do respect don't continue reading because I am NOT the man that you're looking for. I wish you well in your seach and hope that you find what you're looking for. I love animals (although I don't have any) but if you have a dog, cat, bird or whatever other species as long as is not extremely dangerous I'm cool with it. Children are fine although I would prefer someone whose kids are pretty much grown but if you have a child that is a minor and living with you, I will understand. I know about kids as I have three of my own. One adult 21 and two teenagers 14 and 15, so I know all about having kids and raising them. I know how difficult it can be especially if you're a single parent. I really admire women that have been forced to raise their children on their own because the father left them and don't receive any kind of assistance either monetary or emotional. I ask that any ladies that read this narrative that sounds more like an advertisement for finding love, LOL and are interested in perhaps meeting and talking with me are from Miami only. I apologize if I seem that I am discriminating against other woman that live in other cities, rest assure I am not. Is just that I would prefer that the person be from Miami which is where I live so that I won't have to travel to another city in another state to meet her, I hope that you can understand. Although any ladies that wish to give me their advice on what they thought about what I've written here is welcome to do so and I appreciate very kindly. Well, I hope to get some responses and hopefully one of those will be the lady that I am looking for. I thank you for taking the time to read this long narrative and I do apologize for its length but I needed to be clear on some of the things that I am looking for in a person and needed to be as thorough as possible. I'm not posting my e-mail because I don't know yet what is going to come out of this but if something positive does which I am hoping than I will be get in touch with that person. Thank you.

How much per inch will the "Big Dig" in Boston cost if 1 mile cost 2 billion dollars? I thought of this question when I was watching The World News tonight. The "Big Big has turned into a disaster. A lady was just killed after part of a tunnel collapsed on her car. This is a classic case of shotty craftsmanship and negligence. I once heard that the average cost of one mile of Interstate cost 1 million dollars. So how can this project cost 2,000 times more?

Ladies, how can a guy be a loser if...? ...he has a good job with benefits, dresses decently, grooms well, owns a car, lives on his own and travels frequently? The classic "loser" seems to be " a dude living in his momma's basement" with no job, no car and no hygiene. If a guy does not fit that description, what do you think the problem is? (BTW, no they are not gay, either)

Help with a black and white horror flick classic? People on here always ask, "what was the scariest movie you ever saw"? Well, I can't remember, maybe somebody can help. Here is what I remember (from about 30 years ago). a) There is this lady missing from a car that is in the ditch and crashed into a tree. b) The people that are looking for her have a handkerchief with her initials on it. c) I think she was murdered by a guy that was after her money, but her body is missing. d) The guy that murdered her goes to her house and finds her safe behind a painting. But with the body missing and the handkerchief turning up from out of nowhere, he suspects she might not be dead. So he's in her house about to open the safe and you start to hear this freaky walking on like a wooden porch outside. It sounds like a deformed walk, like a cane and a dragging leg. The guy hurries to open the safe, and when he opens it there is a pistol with a string tied to the door inside. So as he opens the safe he's shot dead. The handkerchief is only one of many things that show up (to the killer) throughout the movie (why he thinks he may have failed). "I think", it ends up being the police trying to force a mistake.

Why is this person bragging so much & how should others react? A few weeks ago someone new joined a classic car club I'm in. He's a very nice, outgoing person, but he has a habit that's causing everyone to talk about him in a way that's anything but flattering. He's in good shape and he brags about this every chance he gets. He can always find an opportunity to make a big production of popping his arm muscles and he also pulls up his shirt and makes boastful remarks about his abs at least once every time we all get together. Saturday evening one woman said to me and two others, "Has anyone seen ____ pull up his shirt and brag about his abs yet?" Another said, "Not yet but let's take bets on how long it'll be before he does." Within less than 5 minutes of these remarks, up went his shirt as he announced, "Ladies gather round, we're about to open the bidding!" He's making a total fool of himself and has become quite a laughing stock. What is your take on why this guy is doing this, and would you say anything to him about it?

CLASSIC COUNTRY TRIVIA: Cars and trucks in songs? Name these country songs and artists that mention autos in the lyrics: 1. They don't make cars like they used to. I wish we still had it today. The love we first tasted, the good love we're still livin', we owe it to that old '57 Chevrolet. 2. Oh we're not the jet set; we're the old Chevrolet set... 3. I love my truck. It's right outside... 4. And the most important thing to us was keepin' gas in my old truck so we could go to the drive-in picture show. 5. She was hotter than a two dollar pistol, she was the fastest thing around. 6. Just passed a Jimmy and a White, been a-passin' everything in sight... 7. Old MacDonald, he made us work, but then he paid us for what it was worth. Another tank of gas and back on the road again... 8. And now the sun's coming up. I'm riding with lady luck... 9. He'll dust off his hat, clean out his old pickup truck. He's goin' playin' when he should be prayin' for luck. 10. Thank God for Chevrolet, Harley Davidson and RCA...

Question for classic rock fans? Many classic rock fans who say today’s music suck, everything about it, the lyrics, talent, content. i agree that most of it does and the quality of music has gone down today like compared to the Beatles or Michael Jackson My question is: weren't the lyrics/content of songs the same as today for example here are some old songs where they talk about love/sex/drugs/money Doors-light my fire, touch me, hello i love you Rolling Stones- brown sugar, satisfaction, lets spend the night together Beatles-all you need is love, I want to hold your hand, drive my car Queen-somebody to love AC/DC- you shook me all night long Cream-sunshine of your love Led Zeppelin-dazed and confused, all of my love Kinks-you really got me Its not that im against love/sex, but these songs were all about sex/love/drugs; here are some (sucky) songs today about love/sex/drugs/money I can name plenty: Rihanna-rude boy Brittney Spears-some of her songs and videos Lady Gaga-lovegame, alejandro, poker face, just dance, telephone other songs and in her videos Kesha-all of her songs are about love/drugs-your love is my drug, tik tok Justin Bieber-Baby Young Money-Bedrock T.I-whatever you like Jonas Brother- burning up Taio Cruz-break your heart Many rap songs are about drugs, money, violence, sex So u see what I mean, older songs had the same meaning and content as today: love/sex/drugs Its not that im against classic rock but, weren’t the lyrics and content the same as today, and I know that today’s music sucks Also tell me your opinions on today’s music industry, I don’t understand how it has changed so much since the 60s-90s

is it uncool for guys to drive classic VW Beetles? I recently passed my driving test. I just got my driver's licence in the mail. Now , I'm thinking about buying my first car. My father suggested I buy some "piece of junk" before I get a brand new car. Well, I'm a fan of anything that's "old fashioned". Beetles are old. They're cheap , good on gas , don't go too fast etc I've heard Beetles are chick cars. True or false ? I don't like the new beetles. I heard they come with a flower pot vase. Do the old ones have one ? Do you think Beetles are good for first time drivers ? What do the ladies think of guy's driving old vw beetles ?

Is this a classic explanation???? Subject: A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION... this is a good one Gotta just luv that punch line! A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION... The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset -- 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!' And the husband replied 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed, 'but they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!! And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was thin, poorly dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days ! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night - the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present,which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I went and found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas - the one that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at that expensive shoe boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.' The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?' Cant claim credit for this , a good friend, a lady in her early 80s living in Oz e mails me these stories, I just share them

should i get a rabbit cabriolet? well i found couploe streets away from my house an 87 rabbit cabriolet sitting there on sale....it looks pretty mint....and they want it for 1500. it has like 160k miles....the lady maintained it well...all the brakes are done the timing belt was done as well...but is it worth getting it? how much will the repairs be for a classic car? especially for a VW....but arent the older cars more simpler mechanically wise when repairing? if anyone has a cabriolet....can anyone tell me how much they pay for repairs for stuff (brakes, etc) i want some more information on that car...i always wanted a cabriolet/cabrio lol thanks =)

Shaka's Classic's - Rate 1 to 10? A biker(Nick) stops by the Honda Shop to have his moped fixed. They couldn't do It while He waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and An anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of Chickens and a goose. However, he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the Bucket in One hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other Hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went. But in the car park he was approached by a little old lady who told him She was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" Nick said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take My short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely Widow Without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the Alley You won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?" Nick said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two Chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do That?" The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the Anvil on Top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

classic but old one? > >> The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making > >> love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. > >> > >> "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me > >> - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want > >> a > >> divorce straight away!" > >> > >> And Paddy (for it was he) replied "Hang on just a minute luv, so at > >> least I can tell you what happened." > >> > >> "Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll > >> say to me!" > >> > >> And Paddy began - "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and > >> this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and > >> defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I > >> noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told > >> me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought > >> her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones > >> you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.The poor > >> thing > >> devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested > >> a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty > >> and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I > >> gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't > >> use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear > >> that > >> was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have > >> good > >> taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that > >> you don't use just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought > >> at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a > >> pair > >> the same..." > >> > >> Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued, "She was so grateful for my > >> understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me > >> with tears in her eyes and said, "Please... do you have anything else > >> that your wife doesn't use?"

Any Insurance Agents/Adjusters out there? I am a lady in my 60's. I am a car person, having Classic Shows Cars for years. So...I take great care of all my cars. They are in A1 condition. I have an '85 Buick Regal that I have been paying full coverage insurance on for 22 yrs. The car is immaculate. Blue book at this point is very low. Under $2,000. I recently hit a tree with the right front of the car and the estimate is $3,200 to fix it. Needs a fender, hood and other items. The insurance company says they will not pay to fix it because the value is lower that the cost to fix it. BULL I told them. I have been paying you for 22 yrs and have FULL ($300 deductible) COVERAGE. What Legal Theory are you using? If I pay you, then you pay me, no matter what the cost is. That is what I pay that premium for every year. My question: How can they do this? It can't be legal! If they won't fix it then they should return all my premiums. right? to: "fighting saints" Yes, I do have my classics insured with specialty insurance. One car is insured for $100,000, so I know about that. Just angry that they will not pay for the repairs. The car is NOT a total wreck. It can easily be fixed.

Whats that classic rock song? This guy is in a bar, in Jackson Mississippi I think, and his car is getting towed back to him. He has his long hair tucked under his hat when some thugs approach him and tell him to tip his hat to a lady. His hair falls out from under his hat. He kicks a guy with green teeth in the knee and accuses the guy of being a spy for the FBI.

Dilemma, Give it a read, its classic!!!? You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you answer Think! This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again. Hmmm what would you do?

What are some classic hit songs? I am trying to put more music on my ipod i am trying to remember all the classics that are easily recognizable by the lyrics... like: 100 years by five for fighting chasing cars- snow patrol Never say never- timberland Apologize- timberland I am just talking about those older songs that used to be very popular i am not talking about newer music like lady gaga or Ke$ha or stuff like that, just looking for the classic hits any suggestions? please no screamo or rap or really hard rock ^^; Thanks Oh please don't suggest anything from disney channel... i really dislike singers from there... I am just looking for the type of music that were a hit a couple years ago, i am not saying it has to be so classic!

do you name your cars? I call my classic impala Michelle and one of my female friends calls her civic Jessie what are your cars and names? and ladies would you think im weird if my car has a name?

some classic jokes 1? I went to the doctors. He said 'I'd like you to lie on the couch'. I said 'What for?' He said 'I'd like to sweep the floor' I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'. I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'. He said 'How can I help?'. I said 'Break my arms!' I went to the doctor the other day, I said 'it hurts when I do that' he said ' well don't do it' My wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'. I had the car out in thirty seconds. I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt. Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins. One year I got a bike for my birthday. So I went peddling off down the road and knocked an old lady down. 'Can't you ring your bell?' She said. 'I can ring my bell,' I said 'But I can't ride my bike' We were coming in to land, and it affects your ears, doesn't it? The Stewardess gave me chewing gum. I put it in my ear. Took two days to get it out. This little old lady was frightened. She looked at me, she said 'Do something religious'. So I took up a collection. A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: 'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'. I said: 'What for, Officer?' He says: 'My chips are too hot'. I got stopped again last night by another policeman. He says: 'I'd like to follow you to the nearest Police Station'. I said 'What For?'. He said: 'I've forgotten the way'. So I said to the taxi driver, 'King Arthur's Close'. He said, 'Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights' A man walks into a greengrocer's and says, I want five pounds of potatoes please. And the greengrocer says, we only sell kilos. So the man says, all right then, I'll have five pounds of kilos.

1986 chevy custom classic k20 5.7 L 2wd double pumper Idling second opinion? So I just would like a second opinion I believe I know what it is and was going to go work on it but it's raining something fowl outside so for curiosity I'd like to get an opinion other than my own or my gf''s which really just means only my own, woman and cars ha! no there's a lot of knowledgeable woman out there in automotives anyway!! so i went to mve some stuff for a buddy yesterday and when I started the truck in park gear it stays at a really high idle like so high i was afraid to keep it in park but when i put it in drive the idle drops down still high tho just not where it should be.So i was going to go out today and adjust the idling screws I figure thats all it is right just tweak with it now should i tweak it when its in that high idle then risk when i put it in drive where it was considerablely lower have it poop out on me or should I have the lady hold down the brake in drive and bring it down from there then put it in park and see how it sounds? thanks for the info I love car talks!

Do you prefer the old hand-drawn classic Disney movies, or the new computer-generated comedy-based ones? Classic Disney movies: The Little Mermaid, Mulan, Pocahontas, Pinoccio, Lion King, Cinderella, Snow White, Dumbo, Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, 101 Dalmations, Bambi, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Hercules, Tarzan, even Brother Bear, etc etc. New Disney movies: Bolt, Cars, Finding Nemo, A Bug's Life, The Incredibles, Monsters Inc, Ratatouille, Toy Story, Wall-E, Meet The Robinsons, etc etc. Which do you prefer? And your favourites from each? :) some of those are also disney with pixar.

Read These Classic Answers To "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?" And Then Add 1 For Joe Biden & Sarah Palin? BARACK OBAMA:/ The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change! JOHN MC CAIN:/ My friends; that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON:/ When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me. GEORGE W. BUSH/: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no Middle ground here. DICK CHENEY:/ Where's my gun? COLIN POWELL:/ Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. BILL CLINTON:/ I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of cross? AL GORE:/ I invented the chicken. JOHN KERRY:/ Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. AL SHARPTON:/ Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens. DR. PHIL:/ The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road Before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems. OPRAH:/ Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of Life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:/ We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. NANCY GRACE:/ That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. PAT BUCHANAN:/ To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. MARTHA STEWART:/ No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. DR SEUSS:/ Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ERNEST HEMINGWAY:/ To die in the rain, alone. JERRY FALWELL:/ Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side. ' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that. GRANDPA:/ In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS:/ Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road. ARISTOTLE:/ It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. JOHN LENNON:/ Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace. BILL GATES:/ I have just released eVISTA-Chicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C%..........reboot. ALBERT EINSTEIN:/ Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? COLONEL SANDERS:/ Did I miss one? My Additional Details: More Brave Answerers Please.

What are some classic 70's songs? I already got: Disco Inferno Stayin' Alive Car Wash Ma Baker Don't Leave Me This Way A Walk In The Park Yes Sir, I Can Boogie Get Up And Boogie (WIN!) Sir Duke Hot Stuff Jungle Boogie Dancing Queen Daddy Cool I Will Survive Funkytown D.i.s.c.o That's The Way (I like it) Grease Love Is In The Air Y.M.C.A September In The Navy I'm Your Boogie Man Upside Down The Best Disco In Town Night Fever Kung Fu Fighting Lady Marmalade(Voulez-vouz..) We Are Family Love to Love you Baby. I'm specifically looking for disco songs. Please help me out ^^

What kind of convertible makes the girls go wild? An inheritance is coming my way and I would like to use some of the cash to buy a car, preferably convertible. I've got up to 50k to spend and don't care if new, used, specs, or anything else. I just want to turn some girls' heads. No, I'm not ugly. I'm just a bit insecure. Yes, I know this kind of stuff doesn't actually work, but I've got the money to at least try. I saw a 2003 Maserati Spyder for 42k online that looks promising. Maybe a used Mercedes roadster? Do Porsches work? Or maybe get a Honda s2000 and modify it fierce? What colors do the ladies like? Do I go new or classic? Any mods? Ladies, feel free to drop some digits-- I'm debt free now, and just about the entire inheritance is still untouched :) BTW I'm also looking to swoon some ladies with a home or condo purchase, look up my other question for your own input i've done some searching and the ford shelby convertible lotus else and some mercedes on the higher end can als be had in this range when used. jus and the dick and the homosexual jokes arehilarious but for reals people give the question a chance. remeber ive got 40 to 50k drop and to the number crunchin honies im already ahead of ya-- im gettin me a home already and paid off my credit cards and student loans... i just wanna spend the extra to get me some me. yes i come from a great family. dont behatin.

Jokes Funny or Not? A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout ... and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mother." The little old lady waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. "How come so much? I only bought 5 items.." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd pay for her things, too." DO NOT TRUST LITTLE OLD LADIES........ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Late for work ... While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (20 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love(?), asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot @sshole?" he asked. scroll down.... "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket: $105.00 Court Costs: $45.00 Look on Cop's Face: PRICELESS __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________ A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Jokes Funny or Not? Please Star if Funny? A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout ... and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mother." The little old lady waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. "How come so much? I only bought 5 items.." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd pay for her things, too." DO NOT TRUST LITTLE OLD LADIES........ ______________________________________... Late for work ... While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (20 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love(?), asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot @sshole?" he asked. scroll down.... "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket: $105.00 Court Costs: $45.00 Look on Cop's Face: PRICELESS ______________________________________... _________ A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." Yes I just made them up

Tom Selleck v David Hasselhoff? Ok this is a discussion i had at work. Which of these two 80's classic tv stars is the best? On one hand you got Magnum PI.. hard , cool with a ferrari and the ladies love him and then you got Michael Knight.. secret, mysterious and good with the ladies too plus the cool car! Who would you pick?

The Ford Mustang: 1965 Vs. 2005? ok, let's put you in my shoes. You're 18 yearss old. You're going to buy your first car with the money you've earned from your first job. If you were me, which Ford Mustang will you buy? A '60s one or the new ones? Me, it's a pretty tough choice. I love both of them, but can't make up my mind of which one to buy. I'm afraid I'll be called a old man at school for riding in a old Mustang. I'm kind of a old school dude. I dig classic films, The Beatles, and Ford Mustangs. But, I don't dress like I'm from the past. I'm not trying to buy a sports car just to empress the ladies at school. I just like Mustangs. The way they're designed and stuff. Mustangs are cool. I don't care what people say. The Ford Mustang is "The American Muscle Car". Steve McQueen starred in the movie "Bullitt" in 1968. In the movie, there was this car chase scene and Mcqueen was riding in a '60s Mustang chasing after the bad guys. Back then the old Mustangs were cool.Are they still cool today?

Ford classic car purchasing advice? My husband and I have a chance to buy a 1976 4-door Ford LTD with only 7,000 ORIGINAL MILES. It was owned by an elderly lady who passed away. It was always kept in the garage and smells like a new car inside. The price is only $2500, which seems like a good deal. However it is very big and with gas prices so high we don't know if it's worth getting. what do you think? is it a good car? or should we pass on it? thanks any other advice or knowledge about this type of car is greatly appreciated

Songs To Jam Out In A Car? Well this is my listen add more if you like and help me make a ggod one. This Is How We Do It---Montell Jordan ----This is one of those classics that shows you dig the oldies. Ignition(Remix)------------R Kelly -----Tell me one person who didnt like this song. Slow Jamz------------------Twista Kanye West ----I think it is good and a throwback so why not. Beautiful Girl--------------Sean Kingston ---Nice to play when you see a chick around. Patron------------------------Chamillionaire Booby V. ---Rapping mixed with smooth parts i dig it. Billie Jean-------------------Michael Jackson ----Favorite MJ son, Everybody Nose----------Pharrell ---------This is the remix and it kick ass. It Was A Good Day-------Ice Cube ------That Gangster Stuff Aj Dj---------------------------Jibbs ---New and Catchy Candy Shop----------------50 Cent ----Everybody Knows the Chorus Up In Here------------------DMX -----------Will get anyone pumped up. Thousand Miles-----------Vanessa Milton -----Shows how diverse you are, and seriously this is the classic road trip song Top Back(Remix)----------T.I. ---This song is about cars My Ride---------------------Jeremih ---For the Ladies Hate I Or Love It----------The Game ------Pump it out loud. Songs That Im Thinking Of Adding. Rock You Like A Hurricane Lollipop few more. so help me add some more. I was thinking of that Gary Numam one lol

What is a good conflict for my book? [I posted this same question, like, an hour ago, and I only got a few good answers, so I'm posting it again so hopefully more people will see it. Sorry for the spam!] I posted a question a few weeks ago, saying that I've had a neverending story in my head for a few years now about kids who go to a high school of the arts. I think about this story a lot, especially during school and when I'm bored, and whenever something interesting happens in my life, I'll just add it to my story. I asked if this was normal, and apparently, I'm not the only one who does this. A lot of the people who answered my question told me that I should write it down, so I am, but I just have one problem: there is no conflict. In all the 2 years that I've been thinking about this neverending story, there has never been a conflict. Ever. Can you guys think of a good conflict for me? I guess I should tell you a little bit about my story: There's these kids who go to a high school of the arts in Canada. Here are the main characters: Owl, a freshman who has an obsession with the ocean, and loves to make videos and take pictures. Owl looks tough on the outside, but on the inside, he's a softie. Oh, and he's cute, too. xD Owl's (fraternal) twin sister, Haley, who is an actress that loves classic Disney and Lady Gaga. Owl's girlfriend, Audrey, whose best friend died in a car accident and is still having trouble getting over it. And the twins' 36-year-old uncle who is a rockstar and is currently on tour with his band. All the characters are 14 or 15, except, of course, for the uncle. xD Thanks so much for any help, and if you think my story is stupid or are just going to be rude, please don't bother to answer. P.S- I'm only 13, so sorry if my story sucks. xD Please no conflicts involving rape or murder. I got a lot of that the last time I posted this. =/

Im in a deliema!!!!! plz read (kinda long)? My parked car got hit my someone that leaves on my block. n i left a letter saying i was going to report a hit n run (that's what the person did) if they didn't contact me to fix my car. so it turns out that the hit n run driver is a really really OLD LADY (she lives alone, no family or anything) by the way my car is a classic. n i feel bad now asking for the repair money because its going to cost alot. So my question is what would you do if ur car got hit by a really old person?

Everyone is doing their City/State why not me??!!? Tips for non-natives visiting Chicago: > > First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's Chi-caw-go, or > Cha-ca-ga depending on if you live north or South of Roosevelt Rd. > > Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and > buy a new one. If in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is > already obsolete. > > Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own > version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." > > There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We > all drive like that. > > All directions start with, "I-94" ... which has no beginning and no end. > > The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2 > to 8. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. > > If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed > out and possibly shot. > > When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the > light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers > running the red light in cross-traffic. > > Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form > of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added the > Elgin-O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' > does NOT go to either Elgin or O'Hare). > > All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in > Cicero!" > > If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory > defect. > > Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. > > All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period. > > First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as > you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). > > A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, > although many North/South freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. > > The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85...anything less is > considered downright sissy. > > The Congress expressway (Ike) is our daily version of "NASCAR". > > The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and > "trap." > > If it's 100 degrees, it's Taste of Chicago. If it's 10 Degrees and > sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Comisky Park. If it's rained 6 > inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round. > > Chicago, there's no place like it! > > You might be from Chicago if.... > > You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. > You become irate at people who do. > You measure distance in minutes. (SO?) > You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines" > Your school classes were canceled because of the cold. > Your school classes were canceled because of the heat. > You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. > > Stores don't have sacks, they have bags. (DUH!) > > You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. > Example: > "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the Jewel I wanna go with," > (is there something wrong with these)? > > You can locate Illinois on the United States map. > You carry jumper cables in your car. > You drink "pop." Not Soda! (Exactly) > You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads. > You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway." > You know the names of the interstate: > Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan. > > You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois." > You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake." > You refer to Chicago as "The City." > > No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you > immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago. > > You have two favorite football teams: > The Bears and anyone who beats the Packers. > > You buy "The Trib." > You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog. > You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is. > You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City." > You understand what "lake-effect" means. > You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which > station they end up at. > You have ridden the "L." > You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, > 773, 708, 312, & 815. (and now 224). > > You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet: (588-2300 > EMPIRE)

is a 1988 mazda rx-7 a classic car? I have a 1988 mazda rx-7 and was arguing with a lady at an insurance company about my car being classic i thought anything over 20 years was classic my car is 21 years old. Let me know. thanks

So who diggs a guy that drives a muscle car ( ladies )? Gotta save the classics or a luxury sports car i got one also... sometimes id rather make it down the street without wasting 8 gallons of gas in the process

Ladies: I feel as though I am two people. (Beware: very long, a serious read)? I had posted a version of this question awhile ago while I was still a high school student, but now as I am a college student much has changed. Yet, at times I feel that rather than truly changing I have adopted two different personalities that at certain times clash. What I was before and what I am now is quite a dilemma. So my question is, how do you feel about me before, how do you feel about me now, and how do you think I should integrate my characteristics together? *[Info in brackets indicate me now]* So, I've always been commented for the way I dress, my personality, intelligence, and so on but I've never really found that special person who can keep me interested. Sure people come and go, but there always seems to be a lack of that one girl that I can stick with. If I had to classify myself I would say that I was somewhat "metrosexual", a bit of a nerd, ambitious, humorous but not a class clown, conservative morals. "Metrosexual" - So yes, I do care how my appearance and my hygiene quite a bit. I was raised in a traditional family so my dressing style has always been preppy, some would say classy, others would say on the verge of homosexual. I would say I dress between a mix of classic, traditional preppy and urban lifestyle preppy. By metrosexual I mean I do care about how I dress, how my hair looks, I use hair products, facial cleansers, cologne. I try my best to keep clean—I am slightly a neat freak—and stay fresh, I follow a nutrition plan and work out at the gym. But I am not extreme, I do not get manicures and pedicures. I do occasionally pick up a copy of Men's Health, Gentlemen's Quarterly, or Vogue. [The past year I have been slacking up much more in my dress code. Because of the college environment I often find myself dressed in sweat pants, a tee, and tennis shoes, but at the same time I continue to dress the way I did before. It troubles some of my friends as they wonder why the drastic difference from day to day and remind me that "dressing up" (which to me is not) is not normal in college. I feel as though I lose a part of myself and my integrity when I dress so poorly.] Nerd & Ambitious - One of the most important goals of mine is to get into Harvard Medical School and become a cosmetic surgeon, followed by getting an MBA from Harvard Business School. I envision a life helping others and hopefully having time to spend some summers in 3rd world countries to donate money and participate in humanitarian aid groups. I am not ashamed of spending hours studying, volunteering, interning, but I know how to have fun, although I would prefer playing sports to binge drinking and random sex (although I've had my fair share of drinking games). [My goals stay the same, but being introduced to the college life as a Freshman I have turned much more into the party boy I did not envision myself as. I find myself going to the bars, frat parties, house parties, etc. on the weekends and occasionally Thursdays and Fridays. I have become much more social than before and have been encountering situations that come along with the active nightlife that I did not want to happen before. Regardless I am somewhat enjoying this new mixture of study and play. Unfortunately, at the same time it is taking away from my time to just have some "me" time or to participate in other activities.] Humorous - I would say I am a light hearted humorous person but I am not the class clown and I can be serious but funny depending on the situation. [I have dramatic changed from being subtle in humour to being very outspoken in any situation and being a comedian when I can. Don't get me wrong, I do not act like an idiot, but I do bring the fun whenever I can. As before, I would be more or less on the sidelines.] Conservative morals - I'm not the type of person who will get shitfaced the night before class nor am I into random hook ups. I am not attracted to "hot" girls but would rather use beautiful, pretty, or gorgeous, I don't know if this makes sense. My sense of fun is probably different from a lot of college students, I would rather go sailing, sitting by the fireplace, sitting on a train going through the fields of tuscany, visiting the luvre, or sitting down by the sand watching the sunset than to go to a party. [These morals have been troubling me lately. As mentioned I have been partying and going out and encountering everything that comes along with that. Essentially looking at this I have broken many of my morals, but emotionally now it is a mixture of liking what I am doing and yet wanting to stick to my beliefs.] I appreciate nature, luxury cars, art, architecture, furniture (particularly victorian and french). I greatly enjoy cooking, a typical activity associated with women. I occupy a lot of my time playing sports and working out. I do enjoy simple things such as movies, hanging out here and there, going to the pool, whatever, but I prefer doing big exciting or adventurous activities. [All This portion was cut off: I appreciate nature, luxury cars, art, architecture, furniture (particularly victorian and french). I greatly enjoy cooking, a typical activity associated with women. I occupy a lot of my time playing sports and working out. I do enjoy simple things such as movies, hanging out here and there, going to the pool, whatever, but I prefer doing big exciting or adventurous activities. [All of this is still true, but as we all know there are only 24 hours in a day. As I think about it I feel as though a lot of my time is consumed by social activities on top of studies. Although it is quite enjoyable to be "in the scene" so to say, it is also very demanding and I feel as though I cannot find a balance between doing everything I like to do and being part of something with everyone else around me.] I would still like to know what everyone thinks about how I was before, how I am now, and how I should pull my life together. I wasn't joking about a very long, serious read. I don't expect to get many more answers, but just a few notes to give a better picture. Yes, I know my dreams are ambitious. I am 100% willing to go through my undergrad, graduate, residency, and practice time. My business goals are linked with my profession as a cosmetic surgeon so it is not two entirely different careers.

Oh no, Not DUMMY again? The teacher told the class to write a short story but it should follow the classics that always include:- mystery. religion, sex and royalty. After three minutes little Johnny said "I've finished teacher" She said "you couldn't have, show me" So Johnny showed her "Holy Moses" said the princess, "I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it" What can you do when your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you Shorten her chain Why do they usually name hurricanes after women They come in wild and wet, when they are gone so is your house and car A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenburg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews The desk clerk looked down at the book and said "Sorry no room. The hotel is full. Well as a matter of we don't admit Jews. The lady stiffened and said I'll have you know I've converted to your religion." The desk clerk said "Oh yeah, let me ask you a couple of questions. "Where was Jesus born?" The lady said "In a manger in Bethlehem" "That's right" said the clerk, "but why was he born in a manger"? She shouted "Because a stupid, idiotic jerk like you wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room in the hotel,

does anyone want to read this ( i know its so wierd but maybe any yahooligans here wanted to see it ) caution! The Basics Where does fart gas come from? The gas in our intestines comes from several sources: air we swallow, gas seeping into our intestines from our blood, gas produced by chemical reactions in our guts, and gas produced by bacteria living in our guts. What is fart gas made of? The composition of fart gas is highly variable. Most of the air we swallow, especially the oxygen component, is absorbed by the body before the gas gets into the intestines. By the time the air reaches the large intestine, most of what is left is nitrogen. Chemical reactions between stomach acid and intestinal fluids may produce carbon dioxide, which is also a component of air and a product of bacterial action. Bacteria also produce hydrogen and methane. But the relative proportions of these gases that emerge from our anal opening depend on several factors: what we ate, how much air we swallowed, what kinds of bacteria we have in our intestines, and how long we hold in the fart. The longer a fart is held in, the larger the proportion of boring, inert nitrogen it contains, because the other gases tend to be absorbed into the bloodstream through the walls of the intestine. A nervous person who swallows a lot of air and who moves stuff through his digestive system rapidly may have a lot of oxygen in his farts, because his body didn't have time to absorb the oxygen. Encyclopaedia Britannica offers the intriguing statement that some people's farts contain no methane. The reason for this is apparently unknown. Some researchers suspect a genetic influence, whereas others think the anomaly is due to environmental factors. However, all methane in any farts comes from bacterial action and not from human cells. What makes farts stink? The odor of farts comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas and mercaptans in the mixture. These compounds contain sulfur. The more sulfur-rich your diet, the more sulfides and mercaptans will be produced by the bacteria in your guts, and the more your farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large amounts of not particularly stinky farts. Why do farts make noise? The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus. How much gas does a normal person pass per day? On average, a person produces about half a liter of fart gas per day, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts. Whereas it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume, you can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You might try this as a science fair project: Keep a journal of everything you eat and a count of your farts. You might make a note of the potency of their odor as well. See if you can discover a relationship between what you eat, how much you fart, and how much they smell. How does a fart travel to the anus? One may wonder why fart gas travels downward toward the anus when gas has a lower density than liquids and solids, and should therefore travel upwards. The intestine squeezes its contents toward the anus in a series of contractions, a process called peristalsis. The process is stimulated by eating, which is why we often need to poop and fart right after a meal. Peristalsis creates a zone of high pressure, forcing all intestinal contents, gas included, to move towards a region of lower pressure, which is toward the anus. Gas is more mobile than other components, and small bubbles coalesce to from larger bubbles en route to the exit. When peristalsis is not active, gas bubbles may begin to percolate upwards again, but they won't get very far due to the complicated and convoluted shape of the intestine. Furthermore, the anus is neither up nor down when a person is lying down. How long does it take fart gas to travel to someone else's nose? Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as humidity, temperature and wind speed and direction, the molecular weight of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart transmitter and the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they leave the source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if the fart is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever. Exceptional conditions exist when the fart is released into a small enclosed area such as an elevator, a small room, or a car. These conditions limit the amount of dilution possible, and the fart may remain in a smellable concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the walls. Why is there a 13 to 20 second delay between farting and the time it starts to smell? Actually, the fart stinks immediately upon emergence, but it takes several seconds for the odor to travel to the farter's nostrils. If farts could travel at the speed of sound, we would smell them almost instantly, at the same time we hear them. Is it true that some people never fart? No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death. Do even movie stars fart? Yes, of course. So do grandmothers, priests, kings, presidents, opera singers, beauty queens, and nuns. Even Yoda farts. Do men fart more than women? No, women fart just as much as men. It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender. I have read that men fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do. Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts? Based on what I have experienced of women's farts, all I can say is that I hope not. At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart? A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household. Why are beans so notorious for making people fart? Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. When these sugars reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make lots of gas! Other notorious fart-producing foods include corn, bell peppers, cabbage, milk, and raisins. A friend of mine had a dog who was exceptionally fond of apples and turnips. The dog would eat these things and then get prodigious gas. A dog's digestive system is not equipped to handle such vegetable matter, so the dog's bacteria worked overtime to produce remarkable flatulence. What things other than diet can make a person fart more than usual? People who swallow a lot of air fart more than people who don't. This can be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed. Nervous people with fast moving bowels will fart more because less air is absorbed out of the intestines. Some disease conditions can cause excess flatulence. And going up in an airplane or other low-pressure environment can cause the gas inside you to expand and emerge as flatulence. Is a fart really just a burp that comes out the wrong end? No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical composition from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content and more bacterial gas content than burps. Is it harmful to hold in farts? There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatulence is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for people's health. There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts. Doctors I have spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much. How long would it be possible to not fart? As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person relaxes. This means that a lot of people who assiduously refrain from farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall asleep. Having been on a great many overnight field trips, long bus trips, and trans-Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact that lots of people do fart voluminously as they doze off. So the answer to the question would be, you can refrain from farting as long as you can stay awake! Do all people fart in their sleep? I have not made a scientific study of this, but I don't think all people fart in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to fart when they're awake do so when dozing off. For other people, toilet training takes such a strong hold that they let nothing pass their sphincters in sleep. For these people, the gas accumlates in the night and they vent it upon awakening. Where do farts go when you hold them in? How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has disappeared when you are ready for it? I asked several doctors where the fart goes. Does it leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is it absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to it? The doctors agree that the fart is neither released nor absorbed. It simply migrates back upward into the intestine and comes out later. It is reassuring to know that such farts aren't really lost, just delayed. How can one cover up a fart? There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed to absorb the odor of farts. If you should be caught without your Fartypants, another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill. As for the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did it. Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart. If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he heard a fart. CJT addresses the problem of farting loudly in a public restroom as follows: "My solution: use a handful of loose toilet paper, cover your butt hole and it will muffle the farting; my friends and I call it the 'Buff Muff'!" Depending upon the company, another strategy is not to cover it up, but to proudly proclaim the fart as your own grand accomplishment and to issue a challenge to the others to outdo that one if they think they can. Is it really possible to ignite farts? The answer to that is yes! However, you should be aware that people get injured igniting flatulence. Not only can the flame back up into your colon, but your clothing or other surroundings may catch on fire. A survey done by Fartcloud (the site, alas! is not more) indicates that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts got burned doing it. Ignition of flatulence is a hazardous practice. However, if you want to try it, and you don't have a friend to light your fart for you, you might find it easier to accomplish the job using the Fartlighter. There have also been cases in which intestinal gases with a higher than normal oxygen content have exploded during surgery when electric cautery was used by the surgeon. Why is it possible to burn farts? Farts burn because they contain methane (usually) and hydrogen, both of which are flammable gases. (Hydrogen was the same gas that was used in the ill fated Hindenburg dirigible.) Farts tend to burn with a blue or yellow flame. Is it possible to light a match with a fart? No, even strike-anywhere matches have their limits, unless the fart has the consistency of sandpaper! Any fart that rough I would hesitate to call a fart. Also, farts have the same temperature as the body from which they emerge, and aren't hot enough to initiate combustion. Are there any books about farting? There are several! My favorite is the new book, Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson. This book provides an entertaining and thought-provoking history of the fart in literature, language and society. It is very informative and very funny! Ben Franklin's classic Fart Proudly is still in print. There is a collection of suggestive photographs called Who Farted Now by St. Martin's Press. Most of the photos come from old movies and political shots. For children, we have the famous The Gas We Pass : The Story of Farts by Shinta Cho, and Amanda Mayer Stinchecum (Translator), and the Canadian picture book, Good Families Don't, by Alan Daniel and Robert N. Munsch, about a highly visible fart infesting a proper middle class family. Is it possible for a talented person to earn a living through flatulence? Few people earn their living directly via flatulence. But a friend of mine says that he saw a carnival act in which the performer whistled tunes with his farts, blew out candles on the opposite side of the stage, and sent flames all the way across the stage. A famous performer who earned his living this way was Le Petomane, who performed in France at the beginning of the 20th Century. However, my friend isn't old enough to have seen Le Petomane, so maybe he had a chance to see Mr. Methane. Mr. Methane lays claim to the distinction of being the world's only performing flatulist. His CD can be purchased at the FartMart. However, people may also earn a living through the prevention of flatulence (as do the manufacturers and sellers of Beano and other products), through the practice of medicine specializing in the treatment of flatulence and other gastrointestinal problems, by writing books about flatulence (see the question before this one), and through the production and sales of various fart gags such as whoopee cushions and farts in a can. Fartypants sells a fart filter and a number of other fart-related products. Ultratech Products, Inc., sells the Flatulence Filter, "an activated carbon air filter disguised as a seat cushion." (This link was discovered by Steve of Boulder, CO.) Maybe, if you're lucky, you'll be able to find a copy of Le Petomane's biography by searching at alibris.com. Last time I checked, they had two copies available! What other fart products are available? You can visit the FartMart to obtain an astounding number of wonderful fart products, including the famous Crepitation Contest CD, and several other recordings, Pull-My-Finger Fred (a doll that responds with farts and wisecracks), whoopie cushions and a variety of other fart-noise generating products (some of which are quite high tech), some products which produce a fart-like odor, prosthetic poop, fart sludge, and the famous Fart Machine. Why do dog and cat farts smell so bad? A carnivore's protein-rich diet produces relatively small amounts of intensely stinky gas because proteins contain lots of sulfur. A dog's or cat's farts are rarely audible, but the odor is overwhelming. I have asked biologists why dogs and cats generally fart silently, and their theories include: (1) the amount of gas produced is small, but potent, (2) the horizontal orientation of their gastrointestinal system puts less pressure on the anal opening, so the gas is expelled more slowly, (3) their anal sphincters don't close as tightly as humans' because it takes less force to hold in the contents of the colon -- again because of the horizontal orientation of the gastrointestinal system -- and a loose anus makes less sound, and, my favorite (4) dogs and cats don't feel embarrassed about farting, so their sphincters are more relaxed, leading to less noisy flatulence. Mike F. points out that many dog foods are soy-based, so on top of all the above factors, add beans and stand back! Large herbivorous animals such as cows, horses and elephants, on the other hand, produce vast quantities of relatively non-stinky fart gas. The farts of these animals are noisy and can go on for astoundingly long periods of time. Cows in particular are productive, in part because they swallow huge amounts of air. They need oxygen in their guts for the various protozoa employed there as digestive aids. Is it normal for dogs to like the smell of human farts? Yes, any odor that we find disgusting smells delicious to a dog. Dogs respond to the smell of farts, rotting fish, and carrion the same way we respond to the smell of bacon frying or cookies baking. A dog will often sniff the butt of the farter in order to inhale as much of the odor as possible. I have heard only one story about a dog being disconcerted by a fart. According to a friend, her brother once delivered a fart so evil that it made the dog sneeze, shake his head, and paw at his nose. That was either an unusual fart or an unusual dog. Do fish fart? According to our ichthyologist at the University of Guam, fish flatulence per se has not been studied, although people have investigated fish digestion. They find that although most fish have alkaline intestinal environments like our own, coral-eating fish have acidic intestinal contents. The acid serves to dissolve coral skeletal material. Coral has the same composition as Tums (calcium carbonate). One product of the reaction between acid and calcium carbonate is carbon dioxide gas. Therefore, it is logical to assume that coral-eating fish fart a lot. The other fish probably fart also, for the same reasons that we do. However, Mike Pulte, a great fish enthusiast, said that he has never seen a fish do it. I asked our ichthyologist if it were possible that fish gas would go into the swim bladder instead of out the anal opening. He said that modern fish have an air bladder that is independent of the gastrointestinal tract. The gas comes from enzymatic activity and not from the intestine. Older models of fish have their swim bladder connected to the gastrointestinal tract, but it is attached high up, closer to the mouth than to the other end, and these fish come to the surface and gulp air to fill the bladder. Therefore, we can assume that intestinal gas leaves the fish through the anal opening. We also pondered the possibility of fish making noise via flatulence, but apparently most fish noises are made through belching rather than farting. Lisa P., an aquarium enthusiast, reports that she has seen her fish fart: "I have four aquariums and many fish, and I have personally witnessed fish farting! My goldfish used to do it all the time! You'd see a little bubble come out of his anus and stay there, trapped in the mucus of a long string of poop. (Ugh!) And my opaline gourami does it too. Neither of these are coral-eating fish. I have only owned two coral-eating fish so far, but I have never seen either of them fart. It seems most likely to me that much of this gas comes from air swallowed during eating. Also, goldfish have a very simple digestive system and their food is absorbed inefficiently, so possibly the bacteria have more to feed on" Do turtles fart? Yes, turtles do fart, and their farts smell incredibly bad, as do the farts of snakes. In fact, it is my opinion, based on personal experience with reptiles and not on any formal research, that many reptiles use farts as a weapon. Reptile farts smell so bad that sometimes you can tell that one is nearby in the woods, even on a windy day, before you can see the animal. One day I was hiking through the woods in Arkansas with a friend and I told my friend, "I smell a snake fart." A second later, the snake crawled across the path. Astounding but true! In an article published in the December 2000 issue of Discover, "the world's leading expert on snake sounds," Bruce Young of LaFayette College in Easton, Pennsylvania, affirmed that snakes do fart. The sonoran coral snake and the western hook-nosed snake fart with an audible popping sound when disturbed. Why do horse farts smell worse than people's farts? I'm not sure that horse farts smell worse than our farts, but they do smell different. Horses have a different diet from us and different gut microbes, so their farts have a different composition. They also fart more voluminously than humans, and the volume of the gas can be overwhelming if one is unfortunate enough to be near a farting horse indoors. What kind of animal has the highest worldwide output of flatulence? Believe it or not, the animal that wins this honor is the humble termite. Because of their diet and digestive processes (with more than the usual microbial assistance), they produce as much methane as human industry. Termite farts are believed to be a major contributor towards global warming. Is it true that cow farts contribute to global warming? Recent research has shown that most methane produced by cows and sheep emerges from the mouth rather than the anus. So one could more accurately say that cow and sheep belches are contributing to global warming. New Zealand researchers are investigating methods of breeding methane-free sheep. Is there any kind of animal that doesn't fart? If we define a fart to be an anal escape of intestinal gas, then it follows that animals that lack intestines or an anus cannot fart. Most animals possess intestines and an anus, but there are some that don't. These include: Sponges: These organisms lack true tissues and organs. They have just a few types of cells organized into a bag with holes in it. Water flows into some holes and out other holes. Sponges are so different from other animals that some biologists think we shouldn't even call them animals. Cnidaria: This phylum includes the jellyfish, corals, sea anemones and hydra. Their tissues are organized into a bag with a mouth surrounded by stinging tentacles. Food enters the mouth and is digested inside the bag, after which the leftovers are expelled via the same opening. In effect, the same hole serves as both a mouth and an anus. Any gas expelled by a cnidarian would be more appropriately termed a belch rather than a fart, since the animal lacks intestines and separate anus. Pogonophoran worms: These remarkable animals, who dwell on the sea floor near active volcanic regions associated with mid-ocean ridges, possess no mouth, no stomach, no intestines, and no anus. Apparently they retain their svelte, worm-shaped figures by giving up on eating completely! They survive by means of a mutualistic relationship with chemosynthetic bacteria that live in their flesh. Anyway, these animals cannot possibly fart. A second category of animals that probably don't fart are animals that live very deep underwater. At high pressures, gas remains in solution rather than forming bubbles. So there is a good chance that all those clams, echinoderms, fish and other animals living near the seafloor don't fart because their farts stay in solution and never emerge as bubbles, even though the animals possess perfectly good intestines and anuses. Is it possible to leave a brown spot on your pants because of a fart, and if so, what causes it? Judging from what I see when I do the laundry, I'd say that the answer to the first question is definitely yes. As for the causes, we must remember that what we call "fart" and what we call "poop" are just end-members of a continuum. That is, we can have a pure fart, or a pure poop, or anything in-between, depending upon the admixture of the two. If a sample consists mostly of poop with only a small fart component, you get such things as jet-propelled bowel movements and spongy, floating fecal masses (you know, the ones that refuse to be flushed down the toilet -- they keep popping back up). If the sample consists mostly of fart with only a small poop component, you get what is known as "skid marks" or "fart art." These can also result from inadequate wiping, but the shape of the stain is different in the two cases. Inadequate wiping leads to elongate marks parallel to one's crack, usually with well-defined edges, whereas fart art is generally more circular and has an air-brushed look. Fart art is most likely to occur if (1) a person is suffering from diarrhea, (2) the person is trying too hard to fart, and (3) the person mistakenly perceives the pressure against his sphincter to be gas pressure rather than liquid pressure. Again, that last situation is most likely to occur if the person is afflicted with diarrhea. How can we tell when it's only gas needing to come out, rather than something more serious? Our ability to distinguish between the need to fart and the need to poop is something that we learn gradually in the process of toilet training and early childhood. With the tactile nerve endings in the rectal area, we can actually feel different sensations depending upon what is waiting by the exit. Of course, sometimes we are fooled, especially if the substance at hand is extremely fluid in nature, and that is when we have the unfortunate accident of venting a squirt of diarrhea rather than an innocent fart. What is the best position for farting? That depends on what you are trying to achieve. Years and years ago, I read a novel (can't remember which) that had a character in it who was plagued with intestinal gas pain. The character would coax farts out by getting down on all fours with her butt in the air, pressing her thighs against her belly. So perhaps this is the best position for farting if you are having difficulty getting them to come out. Back when I was in geology field camp, we would sit around the campfire in the evening and ignite our flatulence. It was a ritual. When a fart was ready to emerge, the farter would announce, "I have one." And everyone else would intone, "Assume the proper position." The farter would lie back on his or her shoulders with back propped up, head between the knees, and posterior in the air. The purpose was to give the person with the match easy access to the critical vent. Expert farters of my acquaintance often shift their weight onto one leg and lift the other slightly when farting. I assume that this position is adopted less to aid in the farting process than to signal that a fart is imminent. Why do chicks always deny farting? I suppose I should start by saying that only some chicks deny farting. The rest of us acknowledge our gaseous accomplishments with pride. However, a great many sisters do deny farting. The reason is that they have been misled into thinking that farts are not ladylike. It is a great mistake to say that farting is not ladylike. The reason is that all people fart, including ladies. Anything that ladies do is by definition ladylike, and that includes the emission of anal gases. Is it possible that, by inhaling other people's farts all day long, my own farts will smell more? No, inhaled farts would go into the lungs rather than into the digestive system, and would simply be exhaled again, although it might be possible that some of the fart components might be absorbed into the blood. If you wanted to benefit from other people's farts in the way you describe, you would have to swallow them somehow. Is it possible to get stoned after inhaling two or three farts in a row? I am not aware of any intoxicating agents in flatulence. However, most farts contain very little oxygen, and you may experience dizziness if you are inhaling overly concentrated fart essence, simply from lack of oxygen. On the other hand, if you are inhaling farts in the open air and are breathing rapidly in order to inhale as much fart as possible, you may be hyperventilating, which also induces dizziness. Then there is the intrinsic hilarity factor: farts are so funny in both sound and odor that you might feel high just from the basic entertainment value of farts. Is it possible for a fart to kill you? A great many of you have asked if farts can be fatal, or if you can die from smelling a particularly bad fart. My initial response to this question was "no," but I thought I'd better ask a doctor. So now it is official, the medical opinion I received is no, a fart can't kill you. However, if you really work hard at it, you can manage to kill yourself with just about anything. I recently read of a man who hooked up his nose to his anus with a system involving a gas mask, rubber tubing and a hollow wooden post. He died of suffocation. This story comes from the Darwin Awards, and I personally cannot attest to the overall veracity of their stories. The story of the bed-bound obese man who died from inhaling his own flatulence (and whose farts almost killed the paramedics) is an urban legend that has been in circulation for some time. But according to Buzzbomb43, whom I quote: "In World War Two, the Air Force estimates that around 1000 to 2000 airmen were killed because of flatulence. The reason is B-17 bombers were not pressurized, so when bomber crews operated around 20,000 feet, the gas would expand and rupture their intestines." Now, that is a nasty way to go! There are also, of course, (in)famous stories about excessive farters that bio-hazard small toilet rooms, and when they try to light a cigarette the flame ignites the gas-rich-environment causing an explosion. My personal view about such stories is one of doubt. When you smoke and you fart does it make it smell any worse? (Brittney) Only if you swallow the cigarettes after smoking Brittney. If you settle for traditional smoking (inhaling) - the smoke will travel to your respiratory system and not to your digestive system and hence will have little-to-no effect on the odour of your farts. Of course, a minute mass of smoked Nicotine can (and does) migrate from the respiratory system into blood vessels and downstream to the digestive system (Nicotine is actually a known laxative), but the proportions are too small to contribute dearly to the odours you contribute. However, if you do swallow your cigarettes after smoking - its a different ball game. Cigarettes are produced with measures of Ammonia which certainly intensify gaseous odours. My advise for you therefore is not to swallow. I am guessing the reason why certain people think cigarettes might intensify the bad smell of a fart has to do with the fact both farts and cigarettes produce bad odours. I don't think however that this is a case of competing bad odours that in blend will create a third - even worst odour. Last, while I do not advise you to ever quit farting - I do strongly advise to quit smoking. Can excessive farting cause impotence? That depends on the tolerance level of the person with whom one is trying to be potent! Fortunately for humans, farting doesn't cause tissue damage. Other animals aren't so lucky. Soldier termites can actually turn themselves into bombs by detonating themselves via the explosive release of gas and feces, a process called "autothysis." Is it possible to inhale (suck in air) via one's anal opening? Yes, but it's a rare talent. The great early 20th Century French flatulist, Le Petomane, was able to do this, and in fact was able to suck up an entire bowlful of water (just the water, not the bowl) into his colon and expel it again with considerable force. By sucking in large quantities of air, he was able to perform lengthy shows on stage, and could imitate musical instruments, farm animals, and bird songs, whistle melodies, and play the ocarina. His productions were said to be virtually odorless, which is to be expected from air obtained directly from the outside. Here is a message I received recently (November, 1999) regarding the skill of inhaling via the anus: "i would just like you to know that i am part of a trio, who can suck in air in our anal openings. we are somewhat air-bandits. we can let the longest farts you have ever heard. our record holder, chad, stands at 24 sec. the record for most farts in a row is derek, at 492. and i, robert, have earned such nicknames as: Mad Crapper, gurglemeister, and old wetful. We have followed Le Petomane example, and have mastered the art of farting." Jason W. says, "I am a 16 year old guy that is a part of a 3-man fart on command group. We get together every Saturday night andpractice our talent to songs with a good beat. We accomplish this by getting on our hands and knees, completely relaxing, and our butt hole just opens up and air just seeps into our colons. We then get into position and let them rip. We can so far play a song called "THE EYE OF THE TIGER" (Rocky 3 theme song). We came across another group of 4 guys that can do this during the winter of 2001. We started to get together with them more frequently, and now we have a full fledged band going all on farting...We are going to try to make a CD on some songs we know, but no one wants to let us...I personally have let a fart go for about 75 seconds. On average each Saturday night we let off about 1000 farts EACH! The only problem with flatulating when we want is that now 2 of us can't help but sucking in air through our anus when we sit down." Jason has also provided the following instructions for people who would like to acquire this skill: 1) Get a pillow and a soft surface. 2) Place your ear on the pillow with your head turned sideways. 3) Put your butt up in the air, bringing your knees as close up to your head as possible. This relaxes your anal opening. 4) Once you're relaxed enough, you should feel a strange sensation...this is air traveling into your colon. 5) Through practice you will be able to do this by just sitting down. Adam reports that a student at his high school, known as "The King" could fart "God Save the Queen" by alternately inhaling and exhaling through his anus. The students refered to the inhaling process as "input." Is it possible to swallow smoke and then fart it out your anus? No, smoke consists of solid particles suspended in air. When such a mixture enters the digestive system, the solids condense on the walls and other objects in the gut, or go into suspension in liquids in the system. However, for people capable of inhaling through the anus, it is possible to smoke a cigarette with the anal opening and then blow the smoke back out. What causes the burning sensation that sometimes accompanies a fart? This is generally caused by a recent meal of hot peppers or related spices. The oils associated with these foods remain intact and active all the way through one's gastrointestinal system. If you fart in the bathtub, is the water polluted and should you refill the tub? As long as what comes out is only fart and no poop, your bath water should not be significantly polluted. Most of the gas just bubbles up and contaminates the air rather than the water. Is it true that a woman can fart out of her, shall we say, frontal opening, and if so, where does the gas come from? Yes, it is true! The gas that emerges is simply trapped air, for there is no gas production in the genitalia of a woman. The air can enter because the system is open to the outside. This highly specialized kind of fart is sometimes called a queef. This occurs especially frequently during the sex act, when air in the genitalia gets compressed and is forced out at high pressure. Can a man fart out of his genital opening? I have asked various men this question and they all deny it emphatically. However, elrondh contributed the information that under certain rare and artificially-induced circumstances, a man might pass gas through his penis. In this case, the man's bladder had been inflated for a medical procedure, the air introduced via catheter inserted through the urethra. This gas escaped during later attempts to urinate, "accompanied by a brief but sharp burning sensation." Is it possible to capture a fart in a jar and save it for later use? It should be theoretically possible to do this, but there would be lots of logistical problems. I would suggest using a plastic bag instead of a jar. You might try the following as a science fair experiment: Fart into several plastic bags and seal them carefully. Then fill several other plastic bags with ordinary air. Wait 24 hours. Then get volunteers to smell the contents of the bags to see if they can correctly identify which ones contain the farts. This should tell you if it is possible to store a fart in any useful way. Malachi and Megaera have come up with a way to capture a fart in a jar. They say to do it in the bathtub while bathing. Fill the jar with bath water and then hold it with the open end downward. Lean back in the bathtub so that your fart bubbles will emerge in front of you rather than behind you where you can't see them. Catch the bubbles in the jar, and put the lid on the jar while it's still underwater. This way, you capture a fairly pure fart uncontaminated by atmospheric air. To enjoy your captured fart to the fullest extent, make sure that your jar does not already smell like whatever was it it before, like pickles or peanut butter. Meep wrote to say that her fiancé was an expert fart collector at the age of ten. He used Kodak film canisters, and kept them on a shelf in his room. Experiments on his mother proved the efficacy of his method. Is it weird to enjoy farting? It is not unusual to enjoy farting. I believe that enjoyment of farting is a healthy attitude, since everyone has to fart. If a person is farting to the extent that it creates problems and unhappiness, then a visit to a doctor is in order. Is it common for people to enjoy smelling their own farts? I believe that it is not only common, it is universal. A person farts and then thinks, at least subconsciously, "Wow, I made that!" Can farting be considered sexy? Everything imaginable, and many things not imaginable, can be considered sexy by humans. However, the female southern pine beetle exudes a pheromone called frontalin in her flatulence that not only serves to attract males but acts as a general gathering call to both males and females of her species. Her farts are an invitation to an orgy. Unfortunately for her, her frontalin-laden farts also attract predators. What color is a fart? Farts are, alas, colorless. All of the gases that make up farts have no inherent color. But just think of how interesting it would be if farts were bright orange like nitrogen dioxide gas! It would certainly take the mystery out of who farted. Never-the-less, a high-personality gas like fart gas suggests color to people. Some people envision farts as brown, others as green or yellow. I have always thought of farts as brown, presumably because poop is brown. When someone farts in our car, that person might say, "You better not breathe through your mouth for awhile, or your teeth will turn brown." I knew a toddler who used to draw pictures of farts as yellow rectangles full of holes, like a slice of Swiss cheese. She thought of farts as yellow, and said that she knew they were rectangular because she could feel the sharp corners scraping against her on the way out! Ernie C. suggests that if farts were visible, they would look like pork rinds. Helen says, "It always seemed to me like farts were lumps of coal, black in color and irregularly spherical in shape." Do other people smell a fart better than the farter? The fart should smell just as much for the person who created it as it does for other people. However, the farter is somewhat protected by having the fart propelled away from his body in a direction opposite to his nose. Farting upwind nullifies this advantage. Why is it that when you scratch your *** through two layers of clothing (your underwear and your jeans) your fingers still stink? As pointed out by Barb F., who contributed the term to the fart thesaurus, a fart can be regarded as "aerosolized poop," which means that microscopic fragments and droplets of poop are actually distributed throughout the gaseous matrix of the fart. When delivered from the anus with some force, the components of the fart can penetrate one's clothing and these tiny particles can be trapped in the fibers of the cloth. The particles are transferred to your fingers and then your nose when you scratch and sniff. Why is it sometimes possible to taste farts? The sense of taste detects substances that are either liquid or dissolved in liquid. You can taste a fart when the fart's constituent molecules go into solution in your saliva. Do fart particles disperse in the air and float around until they hit something and then stick to it? The ultimate fate of fart particles depends on the nature of the particles. Gas molecules mostly mix into the atmosphere, although some may react chemically to form new substances. Aerosolized particles of liquid and solid poop probably do condense on surfaces. Most of these particles are polar (with a positively charged end and a negatively charged end) and are attracted to other polar substances or charged surfaces like a monitor screen. Other fart particles condense on microscopic water droplets in the air if the humidity is very high (as in a bathroom), and some particles go into solution in water. Is it possible to have bloody farts? Yes, this can happen if you are suffering from an anal fissure, a split in the wall of the colon. It can also happen to a woman who experiences a queef during her period. Why do farts seem to follow the farter? I'm sure that everyone has experienced this phenomenon, in which one delivers oneself forth of a silent but potent gaseous emission and then steps rapidly away, only to have the fart cling to one's person. Part of the reason for this annoying characteristic of farts is the turbulence that follows in the wake of a moving person. The fart "slip streams" or is actually pulled along in the farter's direction by the air currents behind the person. Another factor is that part of the fart is caught in the farter's clothing, and diffuses out slowly after the main part of the emission has dispersed. Why do farts smell so much worse in a shower than anywhere else? There are several factors. First of all, a shower is a small, enclosed space, so the fart gas is more concentrated, and the high turbidity of the air in the shower circulates the gas through the space effectively. Secondly, the high humidity and high temperature conditions in the shower enhance a person's sense of smell and taste. The farts don't actually smell worse, it's just that we can smell them better than usual. Similar conditions prevail in the bathtub. What would happen if someone farted on Venus? If Venus's surface temperature were a mere 200 to 300 degrees Fahrenheit, liquid water could exist there because of Venus's extremely high atmospheric pressure. But the temperature on Venus is almost 900 degrees Fahrenheit. Because humans are mostly water, a person would not simply emit gas on Venus, but would become gas, a whole-body fart. Venus already has a lot of sulfur compounds in its atmosphere, so a fart on Venus probably wouldn't even produce much of a smell. If you were in space without a suit, would a fart have the energy to propel you forward? Yes, a fart should propel you forward, since there is virtually no opposing force in the form of friction or gravity to counteract the force of the fart. Is it possible to freeze farts, and would they still be smelly after they are defrosted? The water vapor component of farts would freeze quite readily, but to freeze the entire fart would require high pressure and low temperature conditions such as that used to produce dry ice. The fart's composition would be unchanged by the process, and hence would still be smelly upon reversion to the gaseous state. Is it possible for a fart to rip your underwear? This is unlikely, because most underwear is made of material with a fairly high tensile strength, meaning that it can endure a certain level of extensional stress without brittle failure. Furthermore, the porous nature of underwear fabrics allows much of the fart's force to pass through the spaces rather than to stress the fabric. Where does the word "fart" come from? According to Eric Partridge in his excellent book of word origins (Origins: A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English), our word fart comes from the Old English word feortan, presumably of echoic origin, meaning that the word was chosen to sound like the object named. When it is cold outside and you fart, can you see it like you can see your breath? Now, that's an interesting idea! My guess would be yes, since farts are nice and moist like our breath, but this is one question that I'm not in a position to answer. I live in the tropics, and it never gets cold here. Several people have tried the experiment and have written to tell me the results. Most people said that they could indeed see their farts, but one person said that he couldn't see it even with his pants off. Here is what anywhere32 reported: "In the boys' locker room after morning water polo practice it was cold out and one of the players only had on his speedo and let out a fart. About four of us saw it and couldn't contain our laughter for the rest of the day." John of the UK said, "Farts expelled in cold air leave what can only be described as a long bushy tail. This is quite funny waiting on a train station platform on a cold dark frosty morning. A person will move away from everyone to a safe distance, and then release a long quiet fart, only to have a sudden and dramatic long bushy white tail coming from their anus; it goes down a little way and slowly curves up ending in a point, just like a dogs tail!" What are some other words for fart? The word "fart" is both a noun (referring to the substance and the sound), and a verb (referring to the act of farting). i seriously have no idea how this was posted as r & s!!!! but i hope u enjoy it as wierd as it is! i just copied and pasted it!! i thought it was funny

Everyone is talking about their City/State why not me??!!? Tips for non-natives visiting Chicago: > > First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's Chi-caw-go, or > Cha-ca-ga depending on if you live north or South of Roosevelt Rd. > > Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and > buy a new one. If in Naperville and your map is one day old, then it is > already obsolete. > > Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own > version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray." > > There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We > all drive like that. > > All directions start with, "I-94" ... which has no beginning and no end. > > The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2 > to 8. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. > > If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed > out and possibly shot. > > When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the > light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers > running the red light in cross-traffic. > > Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form > of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added the > Elgin-O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' > does NOT go to either Elgin or O'Hare). > > All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in > Cicero!" > > If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory > defect. > > Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. > > All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period. > > First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as > you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). > > A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, > although many North/South freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75. > > The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85...anything less is > considered downright sissy. > > The Congress expressway (Ike) is our daily version of "NASCAR". > > The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and > "trap." > > If it's 100 degrees, it's Taste of Chicago. If it's 10 Degrees and > sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Comisky Park. If it's rained 6 > inches in the last hour, the Western open Golf Classic is in the second round. > > Chicago, there's no place like it! > > You might be from Chicago if.... > > You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. > You become irate at people who do. > You measure distance in minutes. (SO?) > You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines" > Your school classes were canceled because of the cold. > Your school classes were canceled because of the heat. > You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. > > Stores don't have sacks, they have bags. (DUH!) > > You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. > Example: > "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the Jewel I wanna go with," > (is there something wrong with these)? > > You can locate Illinois on the United States map. > You carry jumper cables in your car. > You drink "pop." Not Soda! (Exactly) > You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads. > You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway." > You know the names of the interstate: > Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan. > > You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois." > You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake." > You refer to Chicago as "The City." > > No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you > immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago. > > You have two favorite football teams: > The Bears and anyone who beats the Packers. > > You buy "The Trib." > You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog. > You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is. > You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City." > You understand what "lake-effect" means. > You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which > station they end up at. > You have ridden the "L." > You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, > 773, 708, 312, & 815. (and now 224). > > You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet: (588-2300 > EMPIRE)

Follow the Global Warming Money? Follow the Global Warming Money Interesting global warming story. Oh. I've got actually two interesting global warming stories. The first one here from JunkScience.com, Steve Milloy. "Should conservatives give up the fight just as the tide is turning in their favor in the debate over global warming? "In the cover story of the June 25 National Review, software company CEO Jim Manzi wrote that conservatives should stop 'denying' that humans are warming the planet and instead figure out how to use global warming to 'peel off' 1 percent of the vote in the 2008 presidential election. Manzi claims that this strategy could represent a 'principled stand' for a 'clever candidate.' But Manzi’s strategy, in fact, represents the snatching of defeat from the jaws of victory -- and all for relatively few votes of uncertain, if any, political value. "Manzi says conservatives should believe in global warming, not because of 'liberal scaremongering ... but because of the underlying physics' -- which he apparently doesn’t grasp in the least. 'All else being equal, the more carbon dioxide molecules we have in the atmosphere, the hotter it gets,' writes Manzi." Wrong! More carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is not likely to significantly contribute to the greenhouse effect. It's just all part of the hoax. But here's the money quote in this story. "For all its alleged concerns about catastrophic global warming, what is the alarmist-friendly Democratic Congress doing about it? The answer is nothing. Though the Senate passed an energy bill last week, it didn’t dare approach the question of mandatory reductions in greenhouse gas emissions. It seems that burdening the economy because of Al Gore’s dubious science may, after all, be bad politics." Now, the House of Representatives Wednesday did pass a piece of legislation or a statement affirming the existence of global warming, but nobody is establishing policy to do anything about it. We're not joining Kyoto, people that live in areas that are supposed to be destroyed by global warming are still raising property values in those areas by creating a mad dash to buy there. My idea earlier in the week of setting up betting lines, take every proposition that Gore makes in this propaganda movie of his and make a betting line out of it. "New York City under water in 20 years," whatever it is. Then watch and see how many of the proponents actually put money on their own predictions so that they can triple their money, double, whatever, and get rich. And none of them would. None of them would risk their fortunes putting money behind their own predictions. We can all get rich fast because we wouldn't lose. We would win, because these predictions are not going to happen as Gore and others lay them out. Finally, ladies and gentlemen, the subject of our morning update today, classic. "A top Dallas law firm Thompson & Knight formed a dedicated practice of 26 lawyers to handle 'climate-change' litigation. Not to be outdone, Vinson & Elkins, another Dallas firm, launched a 41-lawyer climate-change battalion. The lawyers anticipate lawsuits brought by plaintiffs claiming damages due to global warming. Not to mention all the coming legal activity surrounding 'caps' on emissions. Already, lawyers are talking with Inuits -- a tribe of Canadian Eskimos -- who claim their island paradise has been harmed by global warming and are out to sue somebody. American. Houston lawyer Steve Susman says melting glaciers won't make big legal waves, 'but wait until the first big ski area closes because it has no snow. Or wait until portions of Manhattan and San Francisco are under water.'" So you got a bunch of lawyers gearing up here, folks. Who they going to sue? If Manhattan ends up under water, who are they going to sue? Who are they going to sue? They're going to sue somebody. Think John Edwards on this. So here's how this works. First, liberals invent a problem based on junk science, in this case global warming, and then they promote it via their Drive-By Media allies. Then liberal politicians make laws to protect the supposed aggrieved victims, the little guys. Then a bunch of John Edwards types descend on American companies. The lawyers get wealthy, and then from their wealth they donate some money back to liberal politicians, and they keep the cycle going. This is what's at stake here. When lawyers start getting in the game, start trolling for lawsuits -- they expect this to produce more money, folks, than those giant tobacco settlements. Keep a sharp eye. Follow the money and understand what's really going on. This is a hoax. It's junk science. It's being portrayed as something to make you scared to death we're all going to die. You're supposed to vote liberal for this; supposed to make some sacrifices; pay higher taxes; drive a car you don't want to drive; live in a house you don't want to live; live where you don't want to live; detergent you don't want to use, all this rotgut stuff, and then at the end of the day even after doing all that you're still going to get sued or you're going to pay a price. Or maybe you'll be a turncoat and hire one of these lawyers. Big rainstorm comes, floods your house, that's global warming, who can I sue? Well, a lawyer will find somebody to sue for you. Hello, if big tobacco thought that they were in the crosshairs -- I don't know who's in the crosshairs on this, the US government, but it's going to be various industries who are said to be polluting and Big Oil will probably be the big target here, Big Oil, Big Natural Gas, electricity, utilities, this sort of thing, it's coming, you have been warned.

Feeling down? REad this! Let me know what u think!? Classic excuses from parents! "Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33." "Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps." "Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault." "Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side." "John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face." "Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor." "Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over." "My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him." "Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip." "Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels." "Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night." "George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach." "Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout." "Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot." ------------------------ The Best Signs On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business." ************************** At a Proctologist's door "To expedite your visit please back in." ************************** On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." ************************** On a Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." ************************** At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." ************************** On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?" ************************** At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." ************************** On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." ************************** In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." ************************** On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." ************************** At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." ************************** At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." ************************** Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." ************************** In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" ************************** In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up." ************************** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." March 3, 2003 Church Bulletin Bloopers Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person (s) you want remembered. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM.- prayer and medication to follow. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." ------------- Subject: What we eat and drink A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. PS...These are not mine...did not steal anything...a friend of mine reads these on the air at a radio station and gave me permission to use them however I wanted them

joke:::::Smart Radio? A woman always wanted an expensive car -- a status symbol to drive around and be seen in. She scrimps and saves, goes to the BMW dealer, and plops down several years of income for a brand new state-of-the-art, computer enhanced, kick-ass, dream mobile. She's driving off. Decides she wants some music and searches for the radio. The dashboard looks like a control panel at NASA. She fiddles with this button, that gizmo... jiggles these and those, but finally gives up. Furious, she races back to the dealership and screams at the salesman. Tells him they forgot to install the radio. He assures her it's right there in front of her. It's hooked into the onboard computer. All she has to do is tell it what she wants. He demonstrates: "Classical," he says. "click" The car fills with the sounds of Paganini. "Blues," she says, and "click" a B.B. King classic plays. She drives off amazed. "Country," she says, and "click" a Blake Shelton tune comes on. "Folk" and "click" Joan Baez sings about the night they drove ol' Dixie down. "New Age" and "click" Yanni at the Acropolis snaps on. She's so captivated by this new toy that she isn't paying much attention to the road. Another driver runs a light and cuts her off. "ARSEHOLE!!!" she screams. "click" "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

THiS VERY INTERESTING.................? [Kanye West] My homie Mali used to stay, 79th and May One of my best friends from back in the day Down the street from Calumet, a school full of stones He nicknamed me K-Rock so they'll leave me alone Bulls jacket with his hat broke way off And walked around the mall with his radio face off Plus he had the spinner from his Daytons in his hand, keys in his hand Reason again to let you know he's the man Back when we rocked Alieses, he had dreams of Caprices Drove by the teachers, even more by polices How he get the cash the day his father passed away Left him with a lil somethin, 16 he was stuntin' "Al B. Sure" nigga with the hair all wavy Hit Lakeshore, girls go all crazy Hit the freeway, go at least bout 80 Boned so much that summer, even had him a baby See back back then then if you had a car You was the Chi-Town version of Baby And I was just a virgin, a baby One of the reasons I looked up to him crazy I used to love play my demo tape when the system yanked Felt like I was almost signed when the shit got cranked We'll take a Saturday and just circle the mall They had they Lincoln's and Aurora's, we was hurtin 'em all With the girls alot of flirtin' involved but dog.. Fuck all that flirtin', I'm tryin' to get in some drawers, so Put me on with these hoes homie He told me, "Don't rush to get grown, drive slow homie" [Chorus: Kanye West] Drive slow, homie (Drive slow) You never know, homie About these hoes homie You need to pump your brakes and drive slow, homie [Verse 2: Paul Wall] What it do? I'm posted up in the parking lot, my trunk wavin The candy gloss is immaculate, its simply amazing Them elbows pokin wide on that candy 'Lac Trunk open, screens on, neon's lit with 5th relaxed I'm on a mission for dime pieces and sexy ladies Allow me to introduce you to my CL Mercedes It's a star-studded event when I valet park Open up my mouth and sunlight illuminates the dark You see them 4's crawlin, you see them screens fallin The disco ball in my mouth insinuates I'm ballin' I'm leanin on the switch, sittin crooked in my slab But I could still catches boppers if I drove a cab A young Houston hard-hitter all about the scrilla Ridin' somethin' candy-coated crawlin' like a caterpillar I'm tippin' on them 4's, I'm jammin' on that Screw I'm lookin' for them hoes baby, what it do [Chorus: Kanye West] (GLC) Drive slow, homie (Turn your hazard lights on when you see them hoes) Drive slow, homie (If you ridin' around the city with nowhere to go) Drive slow, homie (Live today, cause tomorrow man, you never know) You never know, homie Might meet some hoes, homie You need to pump your brakes and drive slow, homie [Kanye West] My car's like the movie, my car's like the crib I got mo TV's in here than where I live [GLC] And that don't make no sense, but baby I'm the shit And everything I flip, you know it's somethin serious I got the custom grill, I got the Bravis rims I got the baller genetics baby this evidence You see a player flickin', and how you ain't convinced That you should go on and kiss it, just a lil bit (just a lil bit) I wearin my custom kicks, I got my Jesus chain My canary's is gleamin', through my angel wings They see me, hoes actin' like they seen a king With that mean lean, smokin on that finest Cali green My woodgrain oak, I'm ridin on Vogues My cylinder quiet, like tip-toes I sold O's, and this I know When you see them hoes, lil homie drive slow *echoes* (Tony Williams harmony ad-libs) [T.I.] Lookin' at the life through my rearview, all the problems I had Could be seen alot clearer after time had passed Known for livin' so fast, they wonder how he don't crash With 220 on the dash, he constantly mashin' (Why don't he slow down?) They be constantly askin' But me in the fast lane is like metal and magnets Now I ain't tryna say that it's the way of the masses But it, so hard to change, I love this shit with a passion Since me and Sigel cuttin' classes, showin' our ass Shootin' out in broad day in the middle of traffic I remember sellin' crack faster than I could bag it A shame I ain't playin' with you shorty, I ain't braggin' Me and Cap got life, some other folk got blasted Had a partner OD'd and after this all happened It's like the only thing that kept a pimp from cryin' and laughin' And the Lord smiled on me at the end of the madness I never thought that I'd make it this far rappin' For introducin' the youth to what we now call trappin' Considered now a classic, who'da imagined? Me in Milano, gettin' models in next year's fashions So nowadays, they can call me old fashioned But it's way too much cash to see blue lights flashin' So I guess the moral of this here class is Life about who make it now not about who make it the fastest Drive slow homie Dri, uh dri slowly

THIS Is AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? [Kanye West] My homie Mali used to stay, 79th and May One of my best friends from back in the day Down the street from Calumet, a school full of stones He nicknamed me K-Rock so they'll leave me alone Bulls jacket with his hat broke way off And walked around the mall with his radio face off Plus he had the spinner from his Daytons in his hand, keys in his hand Reason again to let you know he's the man Back when we rocked Alieses, he had dreams of Caprices Drove by the teachers, even more by polices How he get the cash the day his father passed away Left him with a lil somethin, 16 he was stuntin' "Al B. Sure" nigga with the hair all wavy Hit Lakeshore, girls go all crazy Hit the freeway, go at least bout 80 Boned so much that summer, even had him a baby See back back then then if you had a car You was the Chi-Town version of Baby And I was just a virgin, a baby One of the reasons I looked up to him crazy I used to love play my demo tape when the system yanked Felt like I was almost signed when the shit got cranked We'll take a Saturday and just circle the mall They had they Lincoln's and Aurora's, we was hurtin 'em all With the girls alot of flirtin' involved but dog.. Fuck all that flirtin', I'm tryin' to get in some drawers, so Put me on with these hoes homie He told me, "Don't rush to get grown, drive slow homie" [Chorus: Kanye West] Drive slow, homie (Drive slow) You never know, homie About these hoes homie You need to pump your brakes and drive slow, homie [Verse 2: Paul Wall] What it do? I'm posted up in the parking lot, my trunk wavin The candy gloss is immaculate, its simply amazing Them elbows pokin wide on that candy 'Lac Trunk open, screens on, neon's lit with 5th relaxed I'm on a mission for dime pieces and sexy ladies Allow me to introduce you to my CL Mercedes It's a star-studded event when I valet park Open up my mouth and sunlight illuminates the dark You see them 4's crawlin, you see them screens fallin The disco ball in my mouth insinuates I'm ballin' I'm leanin on the switch, sittin crooked in my slab But I could still catches boppers if I drove a cab A young Houston hard-hitter all about the scrilla Ridin' somethin' candy-coated crawlin' like a caterpillar I'm tippin' on them 4's, I'm jammin' on that Screw I'm lookin' for them hoes baby, what it do [Chorus: Kanye West] (GLC) Drive slow, homie (Turn your hazard lights on when you see them hoes) Drive slow, homie (If you ridin' around the city with nowhere to go) Drive slow, homie (Live today, cause tomorrow man, you never know) You never know, homie Might meet some hoes, homie You need to pump your brakes and drive slow, homie [Kanye West] My car's like the movie, my car's like the crib I got mo TV's in here than where I live [GLC] And that don't make no sense, but baby I'm the shit And everything I flip, you know it's somethin serious I got the custom grill, I got the Bravis rims I got the baller genetics baby this evidence You see a player flickin', and how you ain't convinced That you should go on and kiss it, just a lil bit (just a lil bit) I wearin my custom kicks, I got my Jesus chain My canary's is gleamin', through my angel wings They see me, hoes actin' like they seen a king With that mean lean, smokin on that finest Cali green My woodgrain oak, I'm ridin on Vogues My cylinder quiet, like tip-toes I sold O's, and this I know When you see them hoes, lil homie drive slow *echoes* (Tony Williams harmony ad-libs) [T.I.] Lookin' at the life through my rearview, all the problems I had Could be seen alot clearer after time had passed Known for livin' so fast, they wonder how he don't crash With 220 on the dash, he constantly mashin' (Why don't he slow down?) They be constantly askin' But me in the fast lane is like metal and magnets Now I ain't tryna say that it's the way of the masses But it, so hard to change, I love this shit with a passion Since me and Sigel cuttin' classes, showin' our ass Shootin' out in broad day in the middle of traffic I remember sellin' crack faster than I could bag it A shame I ain't playin' with you shorty, I ain't braggin' Me and Cap got life, some other folk got blasted Had a partner OD'd and after this all happened It's like the only thing that kept a pimp from cryin' and laughin' And the Lord smiled on me at the end of the madness I never thought that I'd make it this far rappin' For introducin' the youth to what we now call trappin' Considered now a classic, who'da imagined? Me in Milano, gettin' models in next year's fashions So nowadays, they can call me old fashioned But it's way too much cash to see blue lights flashin' So I guess the moral of this here class is Life about who make it now not about who make it the fastest Drive slow homie Dri, uh dri slowly DRIVE SLOW lyrics for those who need them!

Oxy Morons List Them !!? Yes, this is for all those oxy morons, just list them i don't care, how many you list, just have fun ! Heres Some I Kno ~ FreezerBurn Jumbo Shrimp Lets be Alone Together.. Fresh Food Awfully Cute Thats Cold As Hell Pretty Ugly Calm Wnd Cold Fire Found Missing Living Dead Old News hair growth Haitian former President-for-life Jean-Claude Duvalier half dead Half dressed half empty half full half naked half true Halfway done Ham steak handgun safety Happily married happy apathy happy demise happy fault happy Monday happy pessimist hard curve hard cushion hard liquor hard pillow Hard Roll harmless abuse harmless crime harmless lie harmless pollution harmless pornography harmless sin toll free tomorrow today tomorrows' headlines today top floor totalitarian democracy totally partial tough love traditionally radical traffic flow tragic comedy train schedule tranquil fiesta transient stability traumatic bonding harmonious discord hasten slowly Hazardous waste disposal head butt health-care system healthful-city environment healthy chocolate healthy city environment HEALTHY COMPETITION Healthy tan Heartfelt Politics heavy gas heifer bull Helicopter flight Hell’s Angels here and there high ground Higher education highly visible covert operation High-Speed Computer hilarious funeral history of the future Historical Current Event Holistic Healing hollow point holy hell holy land Holy Roman Empire holy war home office home school Homeopathic Medicine homework honest bureaucratic snafu honest convict honest crook honest graft honest insurance companies honest liar Honest Politician honest thief hopeful pessimist hopelessly optimistic horribly decent horse fly hospital food hot chili Hot Ice / Icy Hot Hot water heater house boat House Ethics Committee huge market niche huge shortage Human evolution human robot humane robotics humanitarian invasion hypothetical situations Hyundai Excel Back to Top IBM compatible IBM-Apple compatible icy hot Idiot Savant idly laborious ignorant professor ill fortune ill health immigration control impatient patient important trivia inarticulate writer Income Tax incomplete cure increasing declines increasingly little incredibly common incredibly dull incredibly real Indecent exposure indifferently attentive indirect communication Industrial Park inexpensive car inexpensive house inexpensive medical care Information Superhighway initial conclusion initial results initial retirement innocent bureaucratic blunder Innocent Criminal Insane logic Insanely Normal Insomniac dreams inside out insincere thanks insincere vow Instant Classic instant folk hero intelligent fight intelligent news coverage intense apathy intense disinterest interested students interest free loan internal exile Internal Revenue Service intimate murder intimate strangers invisible ink irate patient ironwood Back to Top Job security journalistic integrity joyful trouble jumbo shrimp Jump start jungle gym junior senator junk bonds junk food just war justice rehnquist Justice Thomas justifiable genocide justifiably paranoid justified rape Back to Top known-covert operation kosher ham Back to Top Lace-up loafers lady-mud wrestler ladies man laid-back compulsive lame skills lamp shade land developer land development large ant larger half last initial lasting aid least favorite legal ethics legal justice legally drunk legitimate conspiracy legitimate politics lemon lime less is more lesser evil lesser good liberal conservative liberal fundamentalists light armor Light-Heavyweight lightweight Light traffic limited immunity limited incursion limited lifetime guarantee Limited Freedom LIMITED NUCLEAR WAR linear curve liquid crystal liquid gas liquid metal liquid natural gas liquid smoke lite beer literal interpretation literary illiterates little big little big horn little bit big little deceptive little giant Live Recording live television Living Dead living end living fossil local long distance local network locks on 7-11 stores which are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year LONERS CLUB long and short of it long brief (for lawyers) Long Island Expressway long recess long shorts long sleeve t-shirt loose knot loose tights loquacious librarian loss prevention specialist loud librarian loud whisper Loud silence love-hate relationship lovers' quarrel Low Altitude low insurance rates low tax lower inflation low-fat ice cream low-intensity conflict low-rise loyal opposition lucky stiff luke-warm enthusiasm luxury beer luxury bus LUXURY COMPACT Back to Top macro-microorganism mail delivery major minority male compassion Male Lady Bug man child managed competition Management Action Management science Management Style Management support Mandatory judgment Mandatory Option Mandatory volunteerism mannish woman marijuana initiative marital bliss Marketing strategy Married life martial law mass customization Massively thin master slave maternity fashion mature student maxi thins mean smile meaningful nonsense meaningful-overnight relationship meatless meat Medicaid payment Medium Large medium well Melted Ice Mercy Killing Metal Woods (it's a golf thing) metaphysics mexican american micro-mainframe Microsoft Works Middle East Middle East peace midnight sun Mighty Weak mild abrasive mild cigar mild interest mild jalepeno mild mannered reporter Mild PMS mildly psychotic militant pacifist military accountability military intelligence military justice military peace military system mind-expanding drugs mini jumbo minor crisis minor disaster minor miracle misanthropic humanitarian missing present mobile home mobile house

Is this a wonderful invention lol? A woman always wanted an expensive car -- a status symbol to drive around and be seen in. She scrimps and saves, goes to the BMW dealer, and plops down several years income for a brand new state-of-the-art, computer enhanced, kick-ass, dream mobile. She's driving off. Decides she wants some music and searches for the radio. The dashboard looks like a control panel at NASA. She fiddles with this button, that gizmo...jiggles these and those, but finally gives up. Can't find the damned thing. Furious, she races back to the dealership and screams at the salesman. Tells him they forgot to install the radio. He assures her it's right there in front of her. It's hooked into the onboard computer. All she has to do is tell it what she wants. He demonstrates: "Classical," he says. "click" The car fills with the sounds of Paganini. "Blues," she says, and "click" a B.B. King classic plays. She drives off amazed. "Country," she says, and "click" a Garth Brooks tune comes on. "Folk" and "click" Joan Baez sings about the night they drove ol' Dixie down. "New Age" and "click" Yanni at the Acropolis snaps on. She's so captivated by this new toy that she isn't paying much attention to the road. Another driver runs a light and cuts her off. "***HOLE!!!" she screams. "click" ... "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

State-Of-The-Art BMW? A woman always wanted an expensive car -- a status symbol to drive around and be seen in. She scrimps and saves, goes to the BMW dealer, and plops down several years of income for a brand new state-of-the- art, computer enhanced, kick-butt, dream mobile. She's driving off. Decides she wants some music and searches for the radio. The dashboard looks like a control panel at NASA. She fiddles with this button, that gizmo... jiggles these and those, but finally gives up. Furious, she races back to the dealership and screams at the salesman. Tells him they forgot to install the radio. He assures her it's right there in front of her. It's hooked into the onboard computer. All she has to do is tell it what she wants. He demonstrates: "Classical," he says. "click" The car fills with the sounds of Paganini. "Blues," she says, and "click" a B.B. King classic plays. She drives off amazed. "Country," she says, and "click" a Garth Brooks tune comes on. "Folk" and "click" Joan Baez sings about the night they drove ol' Dixie down. "New Age" and "click" Yanni at the Acropolis snaps on. She's so captivated by this new toy that she isn't paying much attention to the road. Another driver runs a light and cuts her off. "A**HOLE!!!" she screams. "click" "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

Does my friend love me? Or have I blown it? Personally, I do not need men answer this question, I am asking the ladies out there for their opinions on this subject. In the past I have done som things involving girls that I am not exactly proud of, did not believe in cheating on girls, but also really the feelings for any either. I would say I fell between a nice guy and a player towards women, although I am a Marine and Martial Artist of 13 years. I was in Iraq, and when I met this girl, despite her stunning beauty, I was not interested in her for any other reason than a business relationship, at best a friendship. The nature of our job meant we were constantly around each other, so naturally, we developed a friendship, ok, that happened, and I woud soon be breaking about every man law. She was having a hard time with her life, I was having extreme depression from what I saw in Iraq; she at times would even cry to me about her life. I was still cool with just being friends at this point. It was like if you have seen that show TruBlood when the black girl explains how we all dream of the person we can share everything with, that is how we started as friends, typically you do not even get that in a serious relationship. We both stood by each other through hard times, she even remained my friend after saying some nasty shit to her. She would often come over and stay late, just talking all night, until I would take her home, sometimes to a guy she might be seeing. The first chance I missed was when she slept next to me on the couch, with our heads touching, weird right?, but nothing more. I started to slightly have feelins, but given her past and troubles, and me not being in the right mind frame, I did nothing. The first time I knew there was more was one night we she kept calling me during my job asking if I was ok, over and over, she was slightly intoxicated, but not to bad. She even told me she loved me at one point, and then called me a name she used to call the only guy she was ever serious with. That night I took her to the guy she was seeing, but she hated, she just felt trapped. she did not want to go in and grabbed my hand and told me several times that she really loved me. She was slightly drunk, I was sober and I froze at what she said. I did not know how to respond, but I knew then I loved her too, I don't know, it froze me and shook me. Any other time in a car under those circumstances, the girl would have definetely been mine, but I was caught off guard because that night I fell for her. It took me over a week to respond and give her those words back. That chance though slipped through my hands. We even went on a vacation together in NC, where we each said I LOVE YOU Again, but once again I froze. We even slept in the same bed one night and I did nothing. I broke about every man law possible with her, but I do not know, I guess I was scared. As a man I know I needed to make the move, I fucked up several times because I just was not in the right mindframe to not be shaken by it all. She even while down there on our last night grabbed my hand in the classic jointing the fingers fashion and was all over me at the club, even grabbed me to say lets go, I knew I had her, but as bad luck would have it, she passed out on the ride back to the room. Shit, I am 24 years old and feel like a child about all this, breaking my pride to even be writing this. She was single all summer and I did nothing and now she has a boyfriend and and I am filled with questions and regret regarding my lack of action. The funny thing is, we do more now than ever. Jusr a week ago she invites me to a bar with her mom who I had never even formally met up to that point, and then after that we ate at a TeeJays and her mom said you really like my daughter don't you? I said yes, very much so. She then said I would love my daughter to be with you because I know you really care about her, I had never met the woman so knew that meant the girl I am referring to talked about me. She is even planning a trip to Vegas with me,, not her boyfriend when she turns 21 next September. What has made the situation so unusual and hard to move forward is we learned all the bad about each other first, and then started to see all the good in each other. I have a couple of questions to you ladies, because a guy cannot answer this and I have enough womanizer friends to give about any guy answer I could ever hear. I wrote this and the situations as honestly as they happened. First, does it seem as though she cares about me far more than as a friend? Second, have I blown it with her and have I stuck myself in that cycle of only being a friend? Finally, if you think the feelings are there with her too, how do I break that cycle so we can become more? I just know she amazing, and I have never trusted a girl in my life outside of family, and she does not trust many guys, but we trust each other and have said that many times. What should I do because it seems more real than any relationship I have ever

Suggestions SA regulars? (non SA regulars welcome as well) Okay ladies and gentlemen, the wounds are still pretty ripe and I'm coming to terms with having been a victim of crime. I've watched Fallen sadly slump into a state I'm not used to. I can tell he misses the car already, Bugcent (the beetle) was a part of the family and such a beautiful classic he beautified from scratch all on his own. I want to do something special for him (besides whipping the culprits with a needle infested whip). What do you suggest I do? How do you cheer a man who's lost his machine/ toy/ pride... and one he worked so hard on and did everything on himself? I know another beetle cannot replace this one (in terms of sentimental value). Guys, you tell me what you'd want your woman to do for you...

Cash for Clunkers....good idea? Do you think this is a good idea? I do not. I do not consider my '78 or '79 El Caminos to be clunkers. I take good care of them. My '79 is my fun car, and I admit, it doesn't get over 11 miles per gallon. '79 has a '71 400 small block over 30, cam, headers, etc. But my '78, with a 2-barrel carb can get 25+- miles per gallon. Also, my insurance is cheap, $100, 6 months. And Since they are classics, I can get 5 year tags which are way cheaper and I don't have to worry about it for 5 years. I was in an accident with the '78, work car, about 4 months ago. Some lady in a Geo broadsided me, crushed my quarter panel, busted one of my wheels and bent a rear axel. It sounds bad, but not nearly as bad as her car, demolished. I felt much more safe in my steel body car than I would have in her plastic car. Plus I finished fixing it within a couple of weeks. Not the quarter panel, I didn't have a welder. Besides, it was still drivable. I didn't have to take it to a mechanic and have him hook up a diagnostic computer and charge me out the ass to fix my car. Plus, I do not have a car payment, or outrageous insurance you must have with a new car. So, tell me; when I get mid 20 mpg, good insurance rates, 5 year tags, no car payment, safer than plastic cars, easier to fix yourself than new cars, where is the incentive? Granted, I will never give up my cars. They are like my guns, you will have to pry them from my cold dead hands. Anyway, $5000 dollars is the maximum amount to be given. My '79 with 30,000 miles on rebuilt engine is worth twice that easy. Even if the car is worth $5000, it is worth keeping. I wouldn't trade an old car for a car payment, no way. I feel an older car is like another freedom. I can maintain it totally on my own, with no outrageous fees. One last thing, I OWN my vehicles. Are we not learning from the current economic situation? So, all of this to get 10+- mpg more avg. I do not think it is worth it. What say you? 1978 Chevy El Camino. 1979 Chevy El Camino.

RULES OF MANHOOD ?? men take note women do you agree but do not forget this is meant to be funny yes or no? 1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow party goers. 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's master b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse c. After wrecking your boss' car. d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". e. When your Date is using her teeth 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move a. Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident 6. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a friend move: a. You'd rather stay home and watch speed buggy reruns. 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. 9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a Mate's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 10. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man (in fact, even remembering your Mate's birthday is strictly optional). 11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 12. While your girlfriend must bond with your Mates' girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals' significant dick-heads--- low level sports bonding is all the law requires (sorry ladies, it's called a double standard and we drew the short straw on that one). 13. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 14. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 15. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free. 16. Only in situations of Moral and/or Ass peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 17. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 18. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 19. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see nothin'. 20. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers. 21. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan. 22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 23. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean. 24. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 25. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 26. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers! d. Nice Arse, are you a Sagittarius? 27. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 28. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary. 29. You cannot rat out a co-worker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes. 30. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that your feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

Whatever happened to the legendary singer, Billy Ocean? Man, that guy was talented. I have that song, "Get out of my dreams, get into my car" stuck in my head today. He also had that song, "Suddenly." That one was popular with the lady folk. Also, whatever happened to Michael Bolton, and Kenny G? Those guys are classic!!!

Anybody want to know about pisces males in general? I know this question may be a little odd, but i keep hearing about how females don't like Pisces males all to much. So this question is to all you females who want to know about pisces males. I'm a very sensitive person, and not all too emotional. i listen to alot of pink floyd, andrew wk ,and classic rock. i like classic rock, because it is actually good to listen too, and you won't get bored of hearing it on the radio. Unlike other crap that is on the radio that you get tired of after a day or two. i am a very affectionate person, and am not scared of public displays of affection. i am sensitive, but not a pushover. i will defend those who i care about, and fight for them if need be. i expect compromise in a relationship, and working together as a team. i am not lazy, but i don't like to work too hard, because then i will not have enough time for my lady at home, if i have one at the time. If you criticize me, don't do it in public. take me off to the side and do so with concern for my feelings, and i will do the same for you. I like to play games but not all the time. there needs to be a sense of mystery in relationship, or else it gets boring. I have a very high sex drive. Lovemaking is a very important part of a relationship to me. being open and trying new things in the bedroom is necessary for pisces males like myself.I am very romantic, and lovemaking is a ritual. Candles,roses,everything that makes it more memorable is definitely going to happeen. Don't nag. i cannot stand nagging, because it makes me feel like i have failed my lady. i am somewhat possesive, but overly so. I do not mind my lady talking to other guys, because i am trustworthy of my girlfriends, and i expect them to be the same to me. If you are in a bad mood, don't take it out on me. i'll shower you with hugs and kisses, to make you feel better. If you need some space, or want to be alone just ask. Perfectionism is one of the worst vices i have ever come across. Because you always feel like nothing is ever good enough, and i am probably not up to your overly high standards. Learn how to go with the flow, and you will be much happier in life. Material possesions mean little to me. I don't need alot, but i need my dreams. And if you want, i will share them you. If i get something from the heart, it means much more to me than a new car. BELIEVE THAT. I do not have any requirements for a spouse. i would love to get married someday and have kids. just so long as she is a good mother. You will find no rejection with me. i've heard it all, and nothing you can throw at me can shock me. The only physical characteristic i find attractive, is a nice set of BOOBS. I know it sounds superficial and shallow, but it's the truth. All of us pisces males likes a woman who can take charge when need be. A good sense of humor that can laugh at the even most stupid joke you have ever heard. That's cool. Affectionate is awesome. If we are feeling down, just take the time and try to bring us up. i know it will happen alot with us pisces males, but we will do the same for you. and don't be afraid to try new things.

►BLACK WOMAN Tazed►? This lady wants to argue with police and not do what they say. http://my.break.com/Media/View.aspx?ContentID=73533 This one is a classic! http://www.break.com/index/policetazer.html 1. Tail light out. 2. Speeding. 3. Talking on the phone, refusing orders. 4. Refusing to close the door. 5. Tells officer what his job is. 6. Asks officer his name and unit number. 7. Swears at the cop. 8. Claims racism. 9. Broken windshield 10. Not wearing seat belt. 11. Refuses orders, gets tazed twice. 12. License suspended. 13. Takes swing at officer. 14. Doesn't sit in car on her own power. BZZZT! What is the deal!? Why do they think the talk show attitude works on the street? Ouch! What do you think?

Do you think multifunction cell phones will replaces all thing we know as portable devices? there are a ridicoulous amount of devices out there, but they can all be placed in a few specific categorys, multifunction cell phones seem to take all of these devices and put them in one. so do you guys think that any of these types of devices will stay dedicated, or just become a cell phone feature 1.pda's 2.good old regular cell phones (the dedicated ones) 3.pmp (portable media players) 4.mp3's (the ipod became the iphone, but what about non ipods?) 5.gps (sure your cell phones screen is small for a car, but in a few years theyll have fold out oled screens like paer which will make up for that) 6.calculators (for those that dont know the iphone is can be a scientific calculator, graphing calculator and !!!3 dimensional graphing calculator!!!) 7.hand held gaming device (hell game developers are abvondoning there trust of sonys psp faster then white people left OJ's, the ds lite is fun and great but cell phones look just like it, can have similar controls and can have a more powerful components) 8.speakers ( i know this sounds far fetched, ha sounds, but speakers ar getting smaller, louder, and better sound quality every day, I wouldnt be suprised is speakers of a cell phone would be used as a cell phone) 9.modems (you really dont want to read this part, i made it to long, but go ahead if you dare) (so youve bought your new $2000 dollar laptop, and your $400 hundred dollar phone, then you go on your smartphone and search the internet, the internet you decide would be a better experience on your laptop, you open it upand theres no wifi foe miles, so you go to buy a modem and find out that the modems contract fee is higher then your cell phones, then you realize that you can connect your laptop to your cell phone and miss the modem fee altogether, sounds like a rock solid idea to me, that's why id never buy an iphone, you cant use it as a mosem, my $50 dollar samsung phone can at 3g speed, and your $500 hundred dollar iphone can't just plain sad) 10.netbooks ( i know this sounds silly, but the only reason cell phones dont have fully featured internet browsers is their lack of power, in 2010 there will be 2Ghz processors in cell phones and 2gigs of ram, current netbooks would be slaughtered on there first birthday if we had cell phones two years from know, now. yeah so what netbooks will also be more powerful, but the only reason I think the cell phone browsing experience hasnt gotten really big is the limiting experience for the power) 11. projectors (oh yeh, if you dont think this is a possibility just research the exponential decline in the literal mass of projectors, at this current rate an HD projector will be the size of an ipod classic by 2013, and by 2017 the will be the size of the built in 2mp camera on your current phone 12. potable hard drives, thumb drives, storage devices in general, the mass to storage ratio of SSD's to regular hard drives are going to be caught up to hard drives by 2012 (for example, largest storage capacity of a 2.5 inch hard drive by 2012, 2TB, largest storage for SSD 2.5 by 2012 2048GB), by 2015 512GB's of SSD's will fit on a 1.8 inch drive or even more storage 13. DVR's (tivo, directtv, and a slew of others), your home computer is already as capable as a current DVR if you have vista, also that capability is rumored in apples next OS update (yes that's right apple lovers, underneath the surface leapord is missing out a whole bunch of stuff) things such as the size of the archos pmp's are already fully fledged dvr's, and several differeint applications have come out for smartphones, most notably the one for the iphone, I forget the name of the app, but its there and its kicking 14. flashlights, even thougth the average person dosnt have one of these on them it still comes in use at times, come on admit it, youve used your psp, ds or ipod as a light in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, but lcd's auctually arent that bright compared to future tech, oled screens dont need a backlight and can be as bright as 800 lumens, thats like a painfully strong flashlight, or FED which is slow to pick up momentum but is rumored to be even brighter with no backlight 15. keys, keys to everything, including your car, house, and anything else you can out fit a electronic automatic lock with 16.credit cards, this tech is already emerging for busses in europe, but what about safeway, pizza hut and that shaddy aldut store around the corner 17.mirrors, lady's will like this and it is out there, one way mirrors that turn into bright multitouch screens when fliped over 18.remote controllers, since phones these days are quickly adapting to multi touch screens, and not to long ago strange named new companys were popping up every where with dedicated touch only universal remote controllers, this didnt go over well because of most of the different companys didnt have suficient funding, the technology at that time wasnt advanced enough, and people are used to buttons, but

How many receipt-less voting machines are used nation-wide?

How many receipt-less voting machines are used nation-wide?

How many receipt-less voting machines are used nation-wide?

Just started this story, rough, rough draft, looking for opinions? Part 1 of 4 – How this all came to be… 1. Wednesday’s are notorious for being the slowest day of the week. Every tick of the clock seems to move backward, and watching it only makes those movements backwards a hell of a lot slower. And as those ticks clicked backwards, Johnny could feel his pulse and temperature rising ever so slightly. The back of his neck felt like sun burn after being slapped, and his blood pressure bumped and thumped like the blood was trying to break loose. He’d look back at the clock, waiting, and waiting, and waiting for 3:15. 3:15 was the book of Revelation to him. It meant the day was over, at least for a couple more hours. It meant he could back home, relax, take a shower, masturbate, discuss the meaning of everything. But 3:15 was still a ways a way. He yawned and positioned himself in as many awkward positions as time would allow. Any awkward position would keep him awake, but only for a moment. Soon his inner body would adjust, and start falling asleep again. He felt mechanical. Two sides of him were competing for attention. Neither one was really winning, except whoever was making the more rationale argument. I could leave. Leave early, say I have a doctor’s appointment. (You would miss the rest of the lecture) I’m missing it anyway. I can barely stay awake. (You’re parent’s aren’t paying for you to sleep) Shut up. (You’ve got a child on the way) Those words woke him up more than any awkward position was ever going to. It made him breath deep breaths and sweat big sweats. He wasn’t even sure who he was, and now he was going to have to direct someone else’s life. It didn’t help that the professor was talking in somewhat hypnotic speech. Eerily soothing, and causing those eyelids to become perhaps a dozen times heavier than they already were. Johnny stuck it out. Just like he did every Wednesday. 2. Across campus, Timothy was already deeply engrossed in another afternoon film. It was the second film he had watched today. This semester he cleared most of his schedule for watching movies. He got a job at the campus library checking in and out books. Occasionally, he’d push the rack all over the library placing books in their respective places. He mother fucked the Dewey Decimal System to high heaven, claiming their had to be an easy way to catalog books. He always assumed someone else could do it. This afternoon’s selection was the 1948 Orson Welles version of Macbeth. Timothy was on a Shakespeare kick for the past two weeks. He’d brought home just about every version of Hamlet from the library last week. Bragnah and Zeffirelli and Olivier and Burton, not to mention the half dozen or so stage productions with names no one would ever recogonize. He said he saw something about himself in the character of Hamlet. Something about the madness, and the way Hamlet carried himself. The library was the perfect place for him to work. The campus library housed nearly every film ever made. The rows and rows of cinema, past and present, screamed “watch me.” Timothy was just the person to do that. 3. Concluding her fourth week teaching was Jocelyn. She was just finishing a lecture on neurons and how they worked. “Remember there is to be a test on Monday. This is going to be on. I’m going to ask you some tough stuff.” Her voice was drowned out by the sound of zippers and notebooks closing. You wouldn’t think of a notebook closing, making any noise at all. But given the onslaught of three hundred notebooks, and it was a symphony of whooshes and wishes. The semester was just getting started. She had settled in nicely, to the student teaching position. It curbed most of the cost of her graduate education. Her parents were happy about this. They weren’t so happy about the seven month unborn child she was carrying around. Unmarried. Still in school. Oh yes, her parents were plenty worried about that situation to even fully appreciate the tuition waiver for her graduate work. She had refused to tell her parents who the father was. At least up until now. Her parent’s patience was running thin, and she soon would. But first she had some thing of her own to clear up. She was constantly pondering her graduate degree, wondering and wondering if any of it was worth it. She wondered if she only enrolled to quell the fact that this child was the end of her young life. No condoms, how could I be so stupid. She thought this constantly, and consistently. She felt like the girl in the sex ed video, who stayed home on Friday, when her friends went out, just so she could watch her baby. Her friends, all of them, were so supportive, but their eyes fed her that thank-god—that’s-not-my-child look. She could feel their eyes move up and down her body, the same way a guy does to a girl he sees coming his way. But there eyes were not with with lust, or love, but complete relief. No fucking condoms, you stupid piece of shit. The last of the students headed out the door, just as she was gathering up her things. Just a lonely pregnant women in the middle of the auditorium, all alone. That’s how things for her had felt lately. 4. “The ending is more pronounced because of the change that Ching Fong goes through.” Johnny professors says, to a mostly interested class. Johnny’s arousal level is less than willing to continue. Who would have thought 18th century Japanese literature could be so boring? Johnny wondered if all literature was so boring. He even went as far to wonder if culture in general and everything about it was this boring. All the films, books, and paintings. Every poem, paragraph and page every written and typed, was it all bullshit. “What do you think, Johnny?” his professor asked. He realized his wandering eyes, and heavy yawns had attracted the attention of his teacher. “Uh, yeah.” He answered. The class giggled in unison. He had no clue what the lecture was about, hadn’t even paid attention in the last week. Johnny wasn’t even entirely sure he was reading from the same book as everyone else. “Mr. Walsh, part of your grade is participation. So I am asking for your opinion.” The professor was dead serious, in your face. The class’ eyes were all on him, waiting for his opinion. “I’m going to be honest, I have no clue what you’re talking about.” He answered. The laughs came back, but there were fewer this time around, like an inside joke that only a few are apart of. “Looks like that will be an F for participation today, Mr. Walsh.” The professor stared at him, half expecting a reply but continued right on with what he was talking about. Johnny wondered what this guy was like in middle or high school. Probably the kid who got quarters thrown at him in study hall. Johnny laughed on the inside at the thought of flying George Washingtons hitting him on the head. His gazed returned to the outside, where the weather was becoming more and more brilliant by the moment. The clouds were turning a light gray, not the kind that bring rain, but the kind that make Johnny feel complete. There was a slight breeze, he could discern from the swaying trees. Some kids were playing soccer on the lawn. Kicking the black and white ball back and forth. It didn’t appear there were any defined goals. There didn’t need to be, the whole point was just to be outside. Some other kids were just sitting under trees text or fictional books sprawled across their laps, ingesting the whole sum of human knowledge. Johnny’s deep blue eyes slightly watered at the thought that this was it. This room would be the end of him, and he knew it. His mood was in a downward spiral since the start of the summer. When she told him. When she told him, that within her, his seed had reached her egg, and together they were creating a child. She hadn’t quite put it like that, but he always preferred the most defined definition he could reach. I gave it to her. I gave it to her too damn good. (Better watch your mouth, round that newborn) My parents swore around me, and look, I’m fine. (Yeah you conceived a child that you have no clue how to care for) He remembered an idea from Introductory Psych. Objective Self Awareness. Whenever the focus shifts inward, you enter this state of subject awareness. When your self and self image don’t align, it produces negative feelings. His teacher then suggested this is why we see so many IPODS and ZUNES. So people can drown out their own thoughts and remain focused outward. Johnny sighed and succumbed himself to the last fifteen minutes of class. The outside was not much farther away. 5. “This is terrible.” Timothy said out loud to the walls and the carpet, and the stack of recently viewed movies on the floor. Among them such classics as the Campbell Scott version of Hamlet, the 1989 film When Harry Met Sally, and the fifth Star Trek film. The odd assortment of films was the way Timothy liked to watch them. He never liked to watch the same genre twice in a row. The past two weeks had been a rare exception to the rule. Consistency was key, as he examined the various productions of Hamlet. Timothy was looking for the differences between each production. The smallest of details, such as camera or lighting, and he jotted them down in a notebook. With his copy of Hamlet to his side, Johnny would here him all the way down the hall. Quoting Shakespeare four hundred years after the Bard had suffered the deep dark plunge we all go to. “Oh all you, host o heaven! O Earth! What else?” Timothy would recite. It would seem the voice were coming from the walls, or that Johnny was schizophrenic. But no, not at all. It was the sounds of the Globe Theatre traveling through time, and space to America. To Pennsylvania. To Pittsburgh. It was being absorbed in the hearts of the young, being prepared for passage to another generation. Timothy was not enjoying this version of Macbeth at all. Maybe it was the black and white of it all, but Timothy could not even stand to finish it. He turned it off and returned it to it’s proper case. His afternoon was carefully planned to have enough time to watch this, then the Roman Polanski version, then study for the up and coming “exam of the semester, quite possibly my life” is what he was calling it. The change in plans gave him some extra free time. So he stared at the wall, working on the story waiting to be poured onto paper. 5. Johnny quickly left the lecture hall, not wanting to be stopped by Professor Asshole on the way out. For the obvious and not so obvious reasons. The first of course being he was afraid he might actually slip and call him professor ASSHOLE! And the second being, he didn’t feel like getting the paying attention will help you do better lecture. Or the I’m not standing up here for my health lecture. He’d heard them before, or some version of them. He had pretty much been uninterested in anything but philosophy since he took his first class all those years ago. The ideas and thoughts and logic of the past four thousand years was constantly bouncing around in his mind, and his pure undivided attention was constantly on that. Pondering and wondering. Thinking and reasoning. 6. Timothy had a notebook where he kept pictures and comments. Little shreds and bits of information that he eventually thought would help him in the screenwriting process. His whole view of Planet Earth changed when he would doodle away at the notebook. The cries for help from Africa, the depleting ozone layer, the pollution and over population, the whole world just went away. His friends, mostly Johnny, often wondered if there was a screw or two loose. Something just never made sense with Timothy. In all actuality, that is just the way he presented himself. One step behind the rest. He scrawled a few shapes and figures into the notebook. Hoping that some ultimately amazing wonderful tidbit of dialogue would come pouring outward onto the paper. Some great quote that college kids, and adults alike would continue saying for years afterwards. Something inspirational, and spine tingling. His getting longer by the day black hair was at his eyes right now. He loved the way it blew in the wind, even if everyone he knows did not. He was slightly chubby, but nothing a doctor would recommend a safer diet over. Most of the clothes he wears are two sizes too big, and he only shaves when he absolutely has to. Yet he cannot grow a full beard at this point. More like sporadic spots of hairs. A “chin strap” is what some up tight sorority girl had called it last semester. His school nurse, and his eye doctor all decided he should wear corrective lenses. He never does, except when he’s behind the wheel of a car. The glasses he has now are the same ones he got in junior high. He writes in his notebook: The fate of your life is directly affected by the fate of those around you. “That’s the worst quote in the history of quoting.” He says to himself. He ponders lighting up the old bubbler. Let rip a few quick hits of the wacky tobaccy before he sails off to watch the other version of Macbeth. He draws a man drowning at sea with a bubble above it screaming help. Next to that he draws a big boat and writes TITANTIC along the side. The guy in the tower has a bubble now too. It says “sorry pal, can’t stop for nothing.” He laughs to himself and closes the notebook. Another day at the office he assures himself. 7. Jocelyn is walking down the aisle of the auditorium, the weight of her bag to her side. If someone was observing her from the backside, they would think she was having a seizure the way she was walking. She could truly care less though. Abortion was an idea that she hadn’t really thought about at all. She remembered in the weeks after she told Johnny she was pregnant, she could see it in his eyes. Those eyes that were begging for an abortion chit chat. It seemed to her that he was just waiting for her to bring it up.She had wanted to talk about it, but every time she saw that he was eager and willing to get rid of this child, it angered her, and made her want it that much more. And now, she insisted it was too late. She remembered when she was an undergrad, and walking along Forbes Ave, some old lady was holding a great big poster, depicting an abortion at twenty-three weeks. The picture was disturbing but effective in one aspect. She stopped and yelled at the old woman, declaring it was a women’s right to choose. She even attended a march for Female’s Rights a few years back. She had always argued in favor of it, but now, when it was her child, she couldn’t help but cradle her belly and imagine the life she planned to give her child. Whether or not Johnny was going to be apart of it, was debatable. 8. In the last ten minutes of each hour, the hallways filled up with students from every area of the globe. Johnny had come from a suburban white man’s paradise. Coming to Pitt was the biggest culture shock he had ever received. A lifetime of one type of person, and suddenly inserted into the throbbing heart of the idea of America. He had savored every moment, unlearning everything K through 12 taught him. Public Education, he declared in an essay, was flawed. It was one dimensional. He considered the pledge of Allegiance. Writing about the pledge, he realized he couldn’t even remember it. We spend thirteen years, reciting the Pledge daily, to leave it behind once we leave high school. He had not said it once since then. And it was a system of control. Implemented by men in suits far away trying to curb individualism. Or so he had wrote. “Hey.” A voice called from behind him. It was Justine. He turned to see her smiling and eager to talk. “Hiya.” He replied, smiling. Justine was a nice break from the going to be a father routine. “Boring class.” She said, slugging her book bag over her shoulder. “Is it ever exciting?” he questioned. “You damn philosophers, always asking questions but never coming up with any real answers.” She laughed. Johnny leaned in real close to her, almost directly next to her ear. “That’s what makes us so attractive.” He laughed, and so did she. It was a I-Want-You laugh. But both of them knew the reality of Johnny’s situation. Both of them knew that on it’s way was a boy or girl, and for the next eighteen years or so, Johnny would be busy cradling, raising, and sending off to college a child. “You wanna go get a cup of coffee?” She asked. He shook his head. He wondered what they were brewing down at the French Press. “Alright, but I insist on you buying.” He laughed again and they took to the steps. Johnny this is masturbation. (Dude) Well, you’re a child, and this is the big boy’s menu. (Touche) 8. Jocelyn stopped to talk to one of her students waiting outside the auditorium. Her name was Tammy, and she nearly waited everyday outside the door. Tammy always asked the most interesting questions about psychology. She seemed generally interested in it, and Jocelyn assumed this girl would eventually declare psych as a major. She just hated the idea of her waiting till after class to ask the question. Tammy was obviously shy. But the questions she was asking were ones the whole class could benefit from. “Ms. Everett, hey, how are you.” Tammy said. She was still holding her notebook, and glancing at it as she walked up. “I’m pregnant.” She replied, solemnly. She hoped the question would be simple. She wanted to go lie down and eat a half pint of ice cream. “Oh, really, I hadn’t noticed.” Tammy smile, nervously. “Anyway, I just have a quick question.” “Concerning neurons?” “Ummm, not quite. I was looking through your page on the school’s website.” She started. Jocelyn felt suddenly violated. You looked at my website, for what? “I saw that you were a part of a undergraduate research project.” Christ, this is going to take forever. “And I was curious how one gets involved in such things.” She was just a curious student, curious like she was when she started school. Interested in how the great big gray matter could produce feelings of love, hate, and complete and utter dissatisfaction with life. “Tammy, I have to head to a OB appointment. Can you stop by my office tomorrow around 11. I’ll give you all the details, and introduce you to the researcher involved in that.” “Oh, yeah, sure.” She laughed, but it was filled with anxiety, and embarrassment. Jocelyn didn’t really have an appointment, at least not today. But she was exhausted, lugging her bag of education all around campus. She never envisioned doing this while pregnant. She suddenly was jealous of her friends from high school. They were either engaged or married to men who were going to take care of them for the rest of their lives. Till death or divorce do them part. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Tammy hurried off. Jocelyn watched as she walked away and headed out the door. Was Tammy so much different then her three years ago? She wondered if she had just shattered a girl’s dreams of making a difference. She always said the biggest problem with the youth was no one wanted to make a difference. Perhaps it was because there were so many problems that the aspect of making a difference was such a loaded issue. Global warming, overpopulation, health care, mental health. There were more problems than solutions associated with those. And now it was her generation’s responsibility to correct all this. The past fifty years of American Hedonism and unilaterialism had pretty much destroyed any prospect of America in the future. And now, when her generation failed there would be nothing but cynicism towards her. She imagined her child, starving to death, or dying of an uninsured illness saying “Thanks a lot, Mom. Thanks for letting me die.” She felt like crying. And maybe as she was watching t.v. and eating Ben and Jerry’s she would. She would let a small river, or creek of tears stream down her face and try and be optimistic. 9. Timothy burnt his thumb lighting up his bubbler. He usually did, especially when trying to take a big hit. Smoke billowed up from the marijuana, and he held in the lung-full hit he had taken. He could feel it lingering in his lungs. A little longer. He could see the gray color sinking into his lungs, and the smaller molecules journeying to his brain. He could see the smaller molecules binding to his neurons, and completely fucking him up. Joceyln had explained it all to him one time. One day when the two of them were stoned, she told him exactly what happened upstairs. He always liked getting stoned with Jocelyn, but she hadn’t smoked in a long, long time. Ever since she decided she wanted to be a doctor. But only lately had she become the uptight chick she was. At this point, he just felt bad for Johnny. He could see the way Johnny looked at her and knew his friend didn’t want that. But the two of them were far past breaking up at this point. Even if they wanted to, they had been brought up to respect the idea of the American family. Raised in a house with a mom and dad. The sad part was that neither of them were completely sure of it. Johnny had never said anything, but it was the way he acted around her, or didn’t act around her. He did not respond to her like he used to. It used to be she said jump, and he was in the air. But now, it seemed it was all Jocelyn could do to keep him around. He remembered one night he’d come home from class, and there was a note one the table saying he was going away for a little bit, to clear his head. Johnny had just up and left. But he was back by the next day. When Timothy asked him what was wrong, he just said he was stressed and left it at that. Another big hit, and he could feel the drug kick in. Everything became heavy and light. It felt like his conscious was trying to keep up with reality.

How many receipt-less voting machines are used nation-wide?

VIZ Letters? Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British. Ben Hunt The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their minds up. John 'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. Colin Hill I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I. P Boddington, Ringway Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh? P, Leeds On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied '<unt'. Not only was I told the answer was incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the premises immediately! Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family? Noel, Leeds My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to make than this? Alun Daniel I'll never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both. Alan Thakray Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original? On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road Alan J., London Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars. T Barnham, London Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on muslim cleric Abu Hamsa. Les, Barnsley How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor. Reg Ashcroft, Bradford The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods? John Campbell, e-mail Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. Mike Woods, e-mail With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw*t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them. Shuggie, e-mail Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn't this taking gloating just a little too far? Dave Owen, Edinburgh I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths. Tripod I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs. Stan What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that. Thomas J

What do you think? Good career path for me? or am i a fool? Too Late to Say Sorry Ciaran Garofalo By now you have probably realised that there’s a lot of things in life that annoy me, so this week, I’m sorry to announce I’ll be ranting on again. I know I sound like a grumpy old man, but I can assure you I am in fact a moany dirty teenager, which isn’t even half as bad, so you better pray I don’t live to become this grumpy old man or else the world may descend into despair in fifty years time. With that said isn’t the world already there? And who is it who puts us in this time wasting miserable world? Politicians? Grumpy old men? Jeremy Clarkson, well perhaps he goes in the grumpy old men division, or is it those eco-friendly save the stupid dolphin freaks? Yes its all those people and more, they waste our time and ruin are planet, but the real villain here, the main offender if you will, is people who show up late, for pretty much everything. We all know at least one of them, and what’s worse we all know their excuses, “I lost my keys”, “my bus never came”, “Ryan Tuberty mugged me outside Spar” or the classic “I had to finish a little job” they may even try a combination of the four, but we all know they aren’t fooling anybody. Its almost as if there’s a secret society for people who practice the art of turning up late where they hold meetings regularly to discuss new excuses, but of course we all know this is impossible after all everyone would miss the meeting because Gerry Ryan would have stolen all their cars, perhaps this is why their excuses never change. I’ve always hated, yes hated people who show up late for everything, but yesterday a girl by the name of Lucy pushed this to a whole new level which left me no choice but to moan about it to the world. The previous day we had arranged to go to town at and both agreed on a time of 1:30, which didn’t bother me, when I got a text the next morning asking me If I could wait until 2:00 because it would suit her better I said yes and again it didn’t bother me. So 2:00 it was. At 1:50 I arrived at the bus stop where we had arranged to meet, I went early because I feel its rude to leave a lady waiting even thirty seconds on her own well in my eyes anyway. At 2:00 I was still sitting there, but I didn’t mind, “any minute now” I told myself as I watched the 2:00 29a bus drive by. It was like Déjà vu at 2:15 and again at 2:30 as I watched more buses pass, I began to consider going home, I felt shown up, I hate being disrespected. I would have preferred that the text I got that morning had said “I’m not going” because that at least would have been a little less cruel. I stood up and began to text, “I hope you know your late” I sent the message and almost instantly after my phone rang, it was Lucy “I’ll be there in two minutes” I hung up without saying anything and taught “I won’t” but quickly snapped out of this demented taught and gave Lucy the benefit of the doubt. Sure enough two minutes later Lucy arrive, I put my head down and tried not to look at her and keep a serious face to let her know I was pretty angry. I failed, I forgot Lucy finds my serious face ludicrously funny and she began to laugh in her strangely loveable kind of way, “Sorry” she said, I raised my head trying to stay serious looking but when I seen her long blonde hair and big beautiful brown eyes I smiled. “I got out of bed at 1.00 I taught I could be ready in an hour” she explained. She might has well told me a man from NASA asked her to test drive his new space shuttle. But now that she was here with me I couldn’t tell her off, just the notion that someone as beautiful as her would want to spend time with someone like me was shocking. In town I tried many times to get my own back on her for making me wait forty minutes in the cold, I did this by pointing out girls which I found attractive, all of which had something to do with the perfect Von but Lucy wouldn’t pick up on this, there was no way I would ever make her feel how I felt for those horrible minutes that felt like hours I wasted waiting on her. Well its getting late now, and I want to watch the Late Late Show, which I can assure you will be on on time. Ciaran Garofalo Could you please reply to me and let me know if theres any potential there, im 16 and torn between a career choice writing or radio, it would mean alot to me if you took you time to read this and get back to me, or it would be fantastic if you could perhaps publish it in your paper as an experiment. Thank you for your time, Ciaran Garofalo Garofalo32@hotmail.com