Overhaulin'

How should the rest of this story go ?! I NEED IDEAS PLEASE ! :)

Okay, so I'm only 15. but I LOVE to write.. I will post the part i've already written at the end if you would like to read but here's the idea.. there's two sisters, Emma 16 and Abby 18 who find a message in a bottle on Huntington beach where they live, in California. I want it to be similar to the idea of "13 little blue envelopes" if you're familiar with that. Basically I want the message to have something simple that they have to find out that sends them to another country and then that clue leads them to another clue and that clue leads to another and so on and so fourth.. catch my drift ? so what should the first clue say ?? :) or at least what country should it lead them to first ?? and any other suggestions you have are welcomed & appreciated :) :) PART OF THE STORY I HAVE WRITTEN ALREADY: My little sister and I sat out in the sun, the waves crashing and foaming against our sun kissed legs. I laughed at her sunglasses tan, and she laughed at how I snorted when I laughed too hard. Every time a wave would go out, we would look for a pretty shell or two. We had a collection forming on our towel a little farther up the beach. This is how we spent just about every summer day. We were true California girls. Another wave crashed and went out. Something caught the sun and shined in the corner of my eye as the ocean sat still for a split second. “Hey Em, did you see that?” “See what?” She said obliviously. “I’ll be right back” I ran into the water until it was waist high and swam out about 100 feet or so. Then I saw it. A greenish piece of glass. I swam over to it, fighting against the massive waves. I grabbed it, not stopping to inspect what I had found in the deep water. I swam vigorously back to the shore, anxious to see what I had found. A bottle. A message in a bottle. I couldn’t believe it. “ABIGAIL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?! A MESSAGE IN A FREAKIN’ BOTTLE. A REAL MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE!” We screamed and laughed and practically convulsed in the sand. We drew attention from all the surfer guys, which we didn’t exactly mind. “Open it, open it! Hurry up Abby, jeez!” One problem. The bottle was sealed like a wine bottle, with a cork in the top making it watertight for its long journey. Well I’m not exactly Mary Poppins; I don’t carry around random objects like corkscrews and I don’t carry pocketknives because I’m afraid I’ll forget it’s in my purse and bring it into school. So we were stuck. I could see the paper rolled up in the bottom, dangling itself in front of my face like a pork chop in front of a dog. I was so eager to open it and figure out the secret. We gathered our shell collection, blankets, towels, and skim boards and headed for my car. I told you we were true California girls, and I’ve got the car to prove it. We threw our boards on the rack up top and climbed into my 1949 Ford Woody Station Wagon, headed for the local 7-11. “What do you think it says Em?” I questioned as I made a sharp right turn into the last parking space at the rundown gas station. “Probably just a kid messing around or something.” That was her opinion. I, however, had higher expectations for my discovery. I loved a good adventure and that adrenaline rush you get when you can feel that one is about to start. We rolled up the windows by the old-fashioned cranks and got out of the car. Bells chimed as we walked through the door and I was greeted by a friendly face, Mike from my third period algebra class senior year. I graduated this past year, making me 18. “Hey Abby, lookin’ good.” And the wink, the classic, cliché, oh so corny line and a wink. I was used to getting hit on. I was tan, tall, skinny, and had long blonde hair. I was practically Cali-Surfer Barbie. My sister was basically my spitting image, and only two years younger. Some people think we’re twins, and we basically are. But then again, I’m more like her mother. It’s a complicated story, we’ll get into it later. “Ha-ha, cute Mike, real cute. Say, you got any corkscrews?” “Corkscrews? Aren’t you a little young for that?” “No, no, no. Me and Em found a message in a bottle over at Huntington Beach.” “Oh yeah, here. On the house, as long as you’ll call me later?” “Sure Mike whatever you say,” I replied as he slipped a sky blue corkscrew and a scrap of paper into my hand. Emily snickered behind her hand at the ridiculousness of Mike’s pick-up techniques. The second the door closed behind us we burst out laughing. “ She shoots…” I said in my best commentator voice as I aimed for the garbage, using Mike’s number as my basketball “…aaaand BALLLIN’!” I struggled with the corkscrew as me and Em sat in anticipation. I twisted and pulled as hard as I could and finally heard a loud pop noise as I extracted the cork very carefully. I turned the bottle upside down and shook it as hard as I could, trying to get the note out. The neck of the bottle was too thin and the not got stuck. Again, our adventure came to a screeching halt. “Emma, will you go get me a wire coat hanger?” “Why?” “Just do it, okay?” I was starting to get frustrated, eager to know what the note said.

Public Comments

1. Alright, I'm not gonna give you any ideas- but i WILL give you a compliment. You write reaaally well. :) Keep it up.
2. yer i agree it sounds real good
3. Um, I'm only 13, but shouldn't it be: "What do you think it says Em?” I questioned as I made a sharp right turn into the last parking space at the rundown gas station. With a camma before Em. And, near the bottom of the page... : The neck of the bottle was too thin and the not got stuck. Note** Besides those two mistakes (maybe one, I'm not sure about the first one I commented on...) it was a good story, what's the title?
4. I think it's good so far. You could post it on http://www.chapteread.com and get some more feedback. It's a writing community and the people there are really helpful. Plus, they have great tools for people who write.