Overhaulin'

I just want to know what everyone thinks about my essay?

Grandpa’s Call to the West My family has seen many miracles, this is one of the greatest. My grandpa, who is a preacher, grandma, and their six kids lived in Hillsville, Virginia. In 1975, grandpa had a call to move west. After telling the family about this call, Grandma looked at him and said, “Do you expect me to believe that?” Grandpa told her to go ahead and start packing anyway. He decided to auction off their land and everything they owned. With some of the money, he bought a 1972 one-ton ford pick-up with an aluminum bed. He fixed the bed of the truck like a living room and that’s where all six kids rode. They packed everything in their station wagon and pulled it with the truck he had just bought. With no air condition, the ride out was very uncomfortable. Over 2,000 miles later they finally arrived at a camp ground in Phoenix, Arizona. They stayed there in a tent while grandpa searched for land and a place to live. After looking around for a while, he soon realized that things weren’t so cheap out west. For a roach infested shack it ranged from $400-$500 a month. Grandma, finally fed up with everything, wanted to move back to Virginia before they all ended up dead. They didn’t have enough money to make it back to Virginia so they stopped in Tucson, Arizona. After staying there a while he decided to try and find some way back to Virginia. He barley made it two miles out of Tucson when a voice spoke to him and as plan as day told him to pull the truck off onto the median and unhook the station wagon. Then they were to get the kids and drive back up the road till they found a man on the right hand side of the road and he would tell them what to do next. After driving a short time he noticed a post office with a driveway made of smooth, polished stone. It was so pretty he thought he wasn’t suppose to drive on it. In the yard there was a 60 foot oak tree which was very rare to be in a desert. Standing in the parking lot was a man with his foot propped up on his truck. Grandpa told him he was looking for a good place to live. He said “Go down the road about 35 miles and you’ll see a sign that says Fort Wachuka in Seira Vista Arizona.” When they found the town, they saw a sign for a trailer sale. They pulled in and a women came running out. Grandma got out of the car and smiled and said this feels just like home! She praised God and said it feels like I’ve lived here my whole life. The women outside came and told grandpa to come in the office and make his self at home. She picked up the phone and begin dialing a number and started talking to a man telling him she had a family down here needing a place to live. The man told her he had a double wide trailer. Grandpa told the women he didn’t have enough money for a trailer. She insisted that they went and looked at the trailer. After looking at the trailer the man told grandpa that he could have it for $150 a month and it would be ready in 30 days. Grandpa told the man there’s no way that a trailer could be that cheap and the man said well you can sure have it for that. They stayed in a tent for 30 days while waiting for the trailer to be ready. Grandma was finally happy and wanted to go back and thank the man at the post office. She also wanted to see the huge oak tree again so she could take a picture. They got back to where the post office should have been and there was only a curb and some sage brush. They went to the nearest gas station and grandpa asked them where that post office went. The clerk looked at him like he was crazy and said there was never a post office there. Grandpa told the man he knew there was a post office him and his wife were just there the other day. The man told him that he was over heated and the best thing he could do is find some where to cool off. They drove back there every month for a year and never found it. They always felt the Spirit of God there every time they went. All of this was part of a prophecy back in Virginia. A women told him “You’ll move far away and when you get there you will build a church.” He was told he would never find a job out west because there wasn’t much work back in 1975. He drove to a fort where they were building 100 houses. They only had six of them under roof. Grandpa asked who was going to do the sheetrock in the houses. The man told him they were looking for someone to do it. He took the job. With the money he made from the houses he bought a double wide trailer with 12 acres of land. He built a church and most of the materials were donated to him. He found two young solders to help him build it. Grandpa and Grandpa continued to pray that they would find the man from the post office. He was heading to work one day and looked on a bill board and noticed it was the same man propped up on the same truck with the same clothes as the day he saw him. God had answered his prayer and grandpa found out he had talked to an angel. Thanks satans angel I over looked alot of this lol but this is a true story about my grandpa belive it or not =p lol

Public Comments

1. You say in the second paragraph that Grandma was fed up with everything and wanted to move back, and go on to use the word "he". You need to be specific that you are now speaking again of your Grandpa, as it is a little confusing. Also, in your sentence, "He barley made it two miles out of Tucson when a voice spoke to him and as plan as day told him to pull the truck off onto the median and unhook the station wagon." You wrote the word "plan" instead of "plain". I would also change in an earlier sentence, the words "air condition" to "air conditioning". "After driving a short time he noticed a post office with a driveway made of smooth, polished stone. It was so pretty he thought he wasn’t suppose to drive on it." The word should be "supposed", not "suppose". "The women outside came and told grandpa to come in the office and make his self at home." You should change the word to a singular, "woman" and "his self" to "himself". Also, you continue to use "women" instead of "woman" throughout your essay. "The man told him that he was over heated and the best thing he could do is find some where to cool off." Somewhere is one word. "He found two young solders to help him build it." Soldiers has an "i" in it. Aside from the grammar and spelling errors, your essay is very good. Very well done and I wouldn't change the actual writing at all. It stayed interesting, and had a nice outcome. Good job!
2. Few spelling mistakes here: He barley made it two miles out of Tucson? Barley is a crop, Barely. Comma after kids, lived in Hillsville. Sierra, you have Seira. begin dialing a number. Begins. Well written there.