Overhaulin'

Not sure what to do with my mom anymore....?

Me and my mom have never gotten along too well to say the least. She couldn't respect my privacy, and disagreed with me on every possible thing. The really liked to be nosy and get in to my business. Well, Just after my 18th birthday, I moved away for college and to start my career. I'm almost 20 now. I go home occasionally to visit, and because of certain circumstances (my mom using my car, being in a rural area), my only way home is for my parents to come and pick me up. Now, my mom, is the NOSIEST PERSON EVER. Through high school, she'd go through my backpack every morning before I left for school, and every day as soon as I got home. She'd go through my drawers on a daily basis. She'd watch me on the computer (not just peek at what I was doing, but full-out stare at every word I typed), as for my passwords, etc. If I had an arguement with a friend and she found out (even something minor), she'd be on the phone with their parents or my school in a second (and we're talking right up until the time I was a HS senior, 18y/o... She's even called my college before... where they laughed at her)... I thought it would stop when I moved away, but If anything, it's gotten worse. When me and my friend moved to a new house, we shared a 4 level back split with my landlord, so we had the top 2 floors and he had the bottom 2 floors, with a sliding pocket door between the two which was locked from his side. There were 3 of us living in the half of our house. My mom would come to pick me up, and one day, I went up to my room to get something, and she snuck downstairs to my landlord's half of the house and started rummaging through his things (his drawers, cabinets, fridge, even his room). After 5 minutes or so I came down so we could leave and saw my mom was in my landlord's half of the house. I told her to get out, and she couldn't understand why. I was like, "thats NOT OUR PART OF THE HOUSE, so you're BnE!", and She just said "Well it wasn't locked, if it's unlocked its fine!" I then went to bring stuff out to the car and she went up and tried to get into all of my roommates rooms, and actually SAID to me, "I see everyone's locked their doors.. Do you have their keys?"... I was like, MOM, you CAN"T DO THAT! I refuse to let her into my room now and she can't seem to understand why. She insists on using the bathroom multiple times at my house (using a different bathroom each time), during which I can hear her going through the drawers, and she usually leaves things messy and doors open. I leave her alone for 2 seconds and she searches the house. If I go home, I'll bring a backpack and a purse, and she will steal my purse to look through it, and go through my backpack while I'm not in the room (I leave my things in specific places so I can tell if they've been touched.. Plus the walls are paper thin). Then she wonders why I don't want to move home. She won't work, I pay for her car (well, MY car that SHE uses), and I've even gotten her a job before (really, really easy job that payed well, just reception desk), and she quit because she had to know too much stuff. She wont even apply to any other job, making excuses like "I can't be home for lunch"., I can't afford to buy my uniform", or refusing to go through a background check or be paid under $15/hour. She has NO experience and only graduated high school. (So clearly she won't be handed a 15/hour job doing nothing). Basically she doesn't want to work, but wants to be paid, thinks she should get first choice of hours because of her age, but refuses to actually TRY anything. When I got a job, I mentioned that I needed to get checks so i could get direct deposit. She insisted that I give them one of HER checks and she would give me the money. I doubt I'd see ALL of the money, plus she'd then love to look at how much I make. Any time I tell her to get out of my things, or ask her to be reasonable, mention a job I saw that would be suitable, she SCREAMS, CRIES, locks herself in her room like a little child and bawls for hours. I don't know what to do anymore, I can't stand going home, I can't keep forking out the cash to pay for her car when I'm in desperate need of a car myself, but she puts the guilt trip on me any time I spend money, go away with friends for a weekend or go shopping, or don't tell her something. She wants to come to my house and stay for a week so we can "go shopping" (with my money) and i"m running out of excuses (as she'll have my house stripped by then) I don't know what to do.. Any suggestions? Advice? Encouragement even? I can hardly put up with her anymore! Sorry if this is a rant at all. I get along great with the rest of my family (dad and brother) but when she's there, it effects me wanting to see them.

Public Comments

1. then find a place/country farther from ur mom... it would be easier to start ur life, and everything w/o her around... u can still pay the car for her, as gratitude for taking care of u while u were not capable of being free. remember to send her some cash...while u r away.
2. This is quite a rant. Think its time you moved further away to eliminate the problem with your mother. Living somewhat close to her allows her easy access to you and she is having a problem allowing you to be an adult..../